Celebrity Roundup: Young Hollywood

*tap tap*

“Is this thing on?”

Oh, hi. I didn’t see you there, waiting for the Celebrity Roundup for going on a month. Woops, my bad.

I could make lots of excuses why my favorite post of the week has been missing for so long. I could say it was because I have been too busy to spend the hour it takes to write this up (true story.) I could say that my blog was broken and I couldn’t log in (that’s a lie.) I could say that i couldn’t quite get my mind around the Taylor Swift Vanity Fair Article (yes…) But really, the biggest reason for the radio silence on Fridays is that celebrities just haven’t been that interesting for awhile. Come on, celebs. What gives? Where are the overdoses, the dramatic divorces, the shocking scandals? I long for the good ‘ol days of Beyonce’s fake pregnancy, Tom and Katie’s sham marriage, Halle Berry’s baby-daddy’s Thanksgiving day fight. Remember when Whitney Houston died? Man that was tragic.

Instead it’s all, “OH LOOK KIM KARDASHIAN HAS A BUMP” (uhhhh) and “Oh, Jennifer Lawrence is soooOoOoOoOoO amazing and perfect even though she fell down at the Oscars” (meh.)

But then…there’s that thing…that one celebrity thing that you try desperately to ignore, like your husband’s socks laying on the floor. And you just keep seeing them and stepping over them, all while trying to pretend he’s not taking his socks off two feet from the clothes hamper and neglecting to throw them in. And then finally you’re like “ENOUGH WITH THE SOCKS ALREADY, WILL YOU JUST PUT THEM AWAY?”

taylor swift vanity fair article

That, my friends, is Taylor Swift to me. Taylor Swift is my dirty socks.

Taylor Swift is in the news this week for basically making herself look worse than she already looked in a Vanity Fair article meant to make her look less like a crazy sociopath. Now that’s talent.

The saga started at the 2013 Golden Globes, when co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did a little skit about how Taylor Swift should stay away from Michael J Fox’s son (she should!) and should take some time to herself. Here is the vid:

taylor swift vanity fair articleApparently (which will later become the theme for the entire Taylor Swift Vanity Fair article) Taylor Swift took offense, telling the magazine that her “friend” Katie Couric once told her “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”  Oh, Taylor, you must mean women who say things like, “She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts” or “And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel….wearing a gown shaped like a pastry.” Like that kind of unsupportive language?

Skipping over the facts that Katie Couric isn’t her friend and also didn’t drop that little truth bomb, Madeleine Albright did, Taylor Swift left us a few more gems during that Taylor Swift Vanity Fair article:

I apparently buy houses near every boy I like — that’s a thing that I apparently do. If I like you I will apparently buy up the real-estate market just to freak you out so you leave me.” (Which she did, but then flipped and made $800,000 on it so…)

and also

For a female to write about her feelings and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend….that’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist (Which would be a good point if it wasn’t for “Picture to Burn” that’s specifically about being crazy after a breakup…right..RIGHT?)

Oh, and “apparently” Taylor Swift has only dated two guys since 2010. Right, and I only ate 5 jelly beans yesterday (spoiler alert! I ate 50.)

 Amy Poehler has taken it in stride (“I’m going to hell, but for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff”) and Tina Fey said she did not see it coming. But you know, I can’t let it go. Look, let’s call a spade a spade: Taylor Swift makes millions of dollars a year off of her image as a pink, sparkly, wholesome, love-lorn princess, but she’s also a 22 year old girl. I understand that must be difficult to rectify, but for her blatantly say in the Taylor Swift Vanity Fair article that she’s “not a fictional character” and then continue writing songs like she’s a teenage girl when she is NOT a teenage girl, she has to take the good with the bad. As long as she’s portraying herself this way, the public will see her that way.

I’ll also say it right here, right now: the Harry Styles breakup will be the one that will send her over the edge.

And more young Hollywood one-and-done!

my inappropriate life heather mcdonald giveaway

WHEW that’s a lot! BUT IT’S NOT OVER YET! Did you know? CELEBRITY ROUNDUP IS TURNING 2!! Two years of celebrity snark to delight and thrill your Fridays.
These kids these days, am I right? But celebrity Mamas are just as inappropriate, and Heather McDonald is telling you all about it. Her hilarious new book, My Inappropriate Life, gives you a glimpse of the world of a working mama in a celebrity world. And I’m GIVING A WAY A COPY to one of your lucky Celebrity Roundup readers! Just fill out the rafflecopter to win.

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