How to spend a staycation

I’m back from my staycation. As in, back in the groove and the swing and the ol’ routine, not “back” as in “back from a lovely trip to an exotic land” unless you consider the Walmart on NW 13th Street in Gainesville “exotic”, which I don’t. Actually, you will see some “wildlife” but not the kind you’d see on a real vacation.

The last time I was off for so many days in a row, I had given birth and successfully raised a baby to 8 weeks of age. It was difficult to come back, but really….not that difficult. After two months of talking to a person who can’t talk back to you, a little social activity with work friends is welcomed, even if it does have to happen at work.

This staycation is different. It was amazing. I didn’t have to go anywhere, I knew how to take care of my child, I wasn’t crying every 20 minutes, I only washed my hair when I had to leave the house, and I wore PJ bottoms and sports bras all the live long day — 16 of the live long days, to be exact.

I did other fun things, too.

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I snacked on cheeseball, chocolate in many forms, hot chocolate mixed with coffee all day, pizza, potato chips and other things that aren’t good for me. Calories dont’ count during a staycation.

I painted my nails three times.

I watched various trashy television shows, the kind that most people believe rot out their brains, things like Duck Dynasty and Say Yes to the Dress. I was introduced to Amish Mafia, a Discovery Channel show that doesn’t even pretend to be legit, starring actors paid to be the fake Amish Mafia of Lancaster County. Amish folk meet up with the fake Amish Mafia and ask for help with  problems in the Amish community such as “some kids are smashing mailboxes” and “the neighbor is hanging her undergarments too close to our house”. You know, dangerous things. The leader of the fake Amish Mafia is Levi, who is the least scary person I’ve ever seen, and he’s joined by other fake Amish Mafia members Jolin, who is a Mennonite and therefore can do things the others can’t (although “acting” isn’t one of them), and Alvin, played by Will Forte in his most serious role ever.

There’s the Amish vixen, Esther, who became Amish when she visited the wardrobe room at central casting, and her “brother”, John, a member of the “gang” who is also 110% not Amish but might not realize people are making fun of him.  And a rival gang over in Ohio who want to take over the fake Amish Mafia territory, and the leader of that one is Merlin who wears a straw hat and has a right-hand-man who is a little person. And John gets in trouble with Merlin and they meet at a Japanese Steakhouse so Merlin can yell at him in Pennsylvania Dutch and the Japanese steakhouse chef is all, “I want no part of this mess.”

It can be summed up best with this quote: “There is only one way to settle this…………with a buggy race.”

Honestly, it’s a hot mess and I soaked it up like a a bread bowl soaks up soup.

One day I sat on the couch and worked on my blog design for 4 hours. It’s true. Did you notice?

Kelsey and I stayed up way too late every night watching TV. I’m talking WAY too late. I’m talking, hours I haven’t seen since The Staycation that Wasn’t AKA Maternity Leave two years ago, and in an entirely different capacity.DUDES it was so awesome! Until the baby woke up at his usual time and I had to drag myself out of bed.

Then I dropped him off at daycare and slept till 11 a.m. What???????

Oh man, you guys, I watched two whole movies. TWO!

Of course, I also cleaned the house and de-Christmased.

Staycation…all I’ve ever wanted.

Staycation….had to stay right here.

Staycation…..meant to be spent alone

(and with your wonderful husband and adorable son.)

How did you spend your last staycation?
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