I’m officially the mother of a 2-year-old. Yesterday was my little guy’s big day and we had a blast. If you followed along on Instagram (Hashtag #LukeTurns2) (my kid is so cool, he has a hashtag for his birthday party..whaaa???) you’ll see how much fun we had.
I posted some updates on Facebook with play-by-play of my labor two years ago:
I am not sure I ever posted a birth story. It wasn’t particularly exciting or abnormal so I just focused on my breastfeeding drama instead. Fact of the matter is, 2 years old is way better to me than 2 weeks old.
Know who won’t be able to make that distinction for at least a little while longer? Jessica Simpson, who just announced she was pregnant again with fiance, Eric Johnson. A source told US Magazine that the couple, who have been engaged for two years, wasn’t planning a second baby this soon, but are “overjoyed” at the news. Jessica Simpson pregnant again follows the birth of her first little girl, Maxwell (who weighed in at almost 10 pounds), on May 1 of this year after being pregnant for 15 years.
Now, you’re probably wondering if Jessica Simpson pregnant again will affect her Weight Watcher’s sponsorship — a reported $4 million deal with the company to shed weight from her 70+ pound pregnancy. She’s lost a TON of weight, people, and she looks amazing. I wish I could tell you, but Weight Watchers is staying mum on the issue. Weight Watchers PR manager told E! News, “Any questions related to Jessica Simpson’s personal life can only be answered by her team.” Which in PR speak means, “Listen, we are ALL KINDS OF PISSED that Jessica Simpson pregnant again, and I am in NO MOOD to talk about it.” If I know anything, it’s how to translate PR speak.
Is there a royal bun in the oven? Some say yes — Kate Middleton has been on baby bump watch for what seems like an entire year, but now that she and Prince William are renovating the four-story, 20-room apartment in Kensington palace (pricetag, $1.5 million, yeeks), people are starting to think pregnancy rumors are legit and they are moving to provide more security for their child — who will skip Prince Harry in line for the crown (which is probably for the best for everyone.)
Does this person look pregnant to you? Just curious.
ANYWAY. Guess who isn’t pregnant? That would be one Miss Lindsay Lohan, who is in hot legal water AGAIN after an altercation at a night club early Thursday morning. You guys know that I can’t possibly get enough of Lindsay Lohan gossip, right? It’s the one constant in my life. I know I should be really nice and be all, “Give Lindsay a break. I hope she finds what she’s looking for in life and gets on the right track. *smile* *hearts*” but oh HALE no and by that I mean HALE no, because Lindsay Lohan has been given WAY more opportunities in life than any one person should have. If she was a cat, she would have run out of lives about 3 lives ago. So here’s the run down on the fistfight:
Lindsay was at Club Avenue in New York City after spending the evening at a Justin Bieber concert in Madison Square Garden. She was allegedly there to see Max from the boy band “The Wanted” (for the record I have never ever in my life heard of this group of people); she tried to get backstage and was denied. She later met-up with Max, Jay and Tom (who are all supposedly part of this band called “The Wanted” of whom I’ve never heard) at a hotel bar, and then the party continued at Club Avenue, where Lindsay Lohan proceeded to get all kinds of sloppy drunk (there are reports that Lindsay Lohan drinks two liters of vodka every day.) Just the usual night out with Lindsay Lohan, right?
This is where it gets interesting. Lindsay was approached by “well-known psychic” Tiffany Mitchell, who just had a feeling Lindsay was troubled (what would make her think that?) and wanted to offer her a free reading. Lindsay declined politely (“Get me my space”) and then called the psychic Tiffany Mitchell “a f***ing gypsy” (it’s a family blog here!) So THEN the
gypsy well-known psychic Tiffany Mitchell called Lindsay Lohan a whore and told her Liz & Dick “sucked” (not inaccurate assessment, Mrs. Well-Known Psychic Tiffany Mitchell). So THEN Lindsay Lohan punched the psychic in the face.
I mean, I honestly could not have made that up if I tried. Lindsay Lohan is just pure hot mess brilliance. And it’s even better in GIF form.
I have the warm fuzzies. I love some good Lindsay Lohan gossip. Let’s finish this up with some one-and-done, shall we?
- Gabriel Aubry and Olivier Martinez have mended fences after their Thanksgiving brawl like every mixed family does — through the legal system.
- Angus T. Jones, star of “Two and a Half Men” (he’s the half man) suggested Satan was responsible for “Two and a Half Men”. Satan responded: “Don’t pin that show on me, bro!”
- Kelsey Grammer emphasized his commitment to child safety as he showed off a baby-less carseat after driving off earlier this week without their baby strapped in. We call that “pulling a Britney”
- Former Blossom star Mayim Bialik filed from divorce from her husband of nine years. She said that co-sleeping with their 7 and 4 year old children had nothing to do with it.
- Wait, did I mention Lindsay Lohan was charged with four crimes in one day? 1. Beating up a psychic. 2. Giving false information to a police officer. 3. obstructing a police officer in performace of his duty. 4. Reckless driving. If convicted, she’ll be sentenced to two years and jail and will spend 45 minutes in jail.
- Amanda Bynes continued her decent into crazy cat lady territory after she stopped her cab to yell at photogs waiting at the Justin Bieber concert. ”BAD PHOTOGS! BAD! I SHOULD HIT YOU WITH MY TURBAN!”
Have a great weekend!