Celebrity Roundup: Doubled Up

Did you miss Celebrity Roundup last week? Sorry guys, but I was having way too much fun laying around in my pool to write about celebrity gossip. The best part about a 5 day long staycation is that you get fun things done, like making an embroidered shirt for your son:

No, I wont’ make you one. It was hard as hell and took forever but I sure am proud of it.

Anyway, lots has been going on this week and last in celebrity news. You’re getting a double dose of drama this week. I’m doubling up stories from this week and last…. so let’s get right to it.

Jessica Simpson is trying to bounce back from her pregnancy and is finding it’s a little more difficult than putting on the weight in the first place (“I have an order of cheese fries and 30 chicken wings for a miss Jessica Simpson!?”) Jessica Simpson disclosed to USA Today that she didn’t realize all that weight wasn’t just the baby,  and that her body isn’t bouncing back quite like she thought it would.  Jessica Simpson admits she’s not a super model and has regained her spot as queen of TMI by saying her boobs are “too big to run”. Somewhere, some supportive undergarment company is missing the opportunity of a lifetime.
We’ve already established that Amanda Bynes can’t drive. Amanda Bynes is clearly a threat to herself and others, and finally the California DMV has realized this and suspended Bynes’ license.  Now let’s all pop some popcorn, sit back and watch this train wreck unfold — she’s one wild night away from Lindsay Lohan territory.
Wait, did we talk about Miley Cyrus cutting her hair? She did. Miley Cyrus said it was a real stylist that gave her the new ‘do, but I suspect she’s part of a plan to use toddlers as stylists because they can’t do math yet and don’t know you’re not giving them much of a tip. Anyway. She was at the VMAs looking more like Pink than Pink has in ages by sporting a platinum blonde fauxhawk. Miley is shocked that her hair is the only thing people are talking about. Miley Cyrus, if you believe that, Amanda Bynes has a BMW in “mint” condition she’d like to sell you.
If you love reality singing shows but thought to yourself, “You know, they just don’t have enough drama for my liking,” then it’s your lucky week! The Voice, the NBC talent show starring Christina Aguilera, Blake Shelton and Adam Levine, made a last minute addition to the schedule, adding a third night that will go head-to-head with Simon Cowell’s X-Factor . Simon Cowell went on the defensive, telling reporters that The Voice is “afraid” of Britney Spears, who is new to the judging panel this year (to the tune of $15 million). Unrelated (or is it!?!?,) Cowell admitted Britney almost quit her first day on the job after a panic attack. Sounds like a stable panel, for sure.
Oh, the curious case of LeAnn Rimes. Last week was a busy week for the country crooner, home wrecker and skinny person checked into rehab for emotional issues, anxiety and stress. Soon after, TMZ broke the story that LeAnn Rimes filed a lawsuit against two women who she claims illegally taped their conversation. According to her lawyer, the women have been cyber-bullying her on Twitter for years (which still doesn’t explain why she gave them her personal phone number…) Thanks to her bravery, her treatment has drawn attention to the problem of cyber-bullying of celebrities on Twitter. Where’s my ribbon of support?

Now for the one and dones!

• Jersey Shore star Snooki Polizzi shared photos of her new baby boy, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle, who is sporting a HEAD of hair. Good thing someone got her “baby’s first hair gel”.
• Katie Holmes was named the first-ever celebrity face of Bobbi Brown Cosmetics. Yup, I think she’s doing alright without Tom Cruise.
• Chad Johnson got a life-sized tattoo of soon-to-be-ex-wife Evelyn Lozada on his calf, and its’ still not enough to get her back. Can we all agree he’s lost his mind?
• Katy Perry and John Mayer are back on after a short breakup. Katy is rumored to have send him drunk text messages, which is the language of womanizers worldwide.
• Prince Harry has been shipped to southern Afghanistan to begin a four-month tour as a gunner for an attack helicopter. Oh hai, Harry, I didn’t recognize you with all your clothes on.

Was that enough to make up for last week’s missing Roundup? I hope so. Don’t forget to check out my NEW online thrift store, where you can find lots of amazing deals on stuff you need! Enjoy your weekend!