It’s time to talk about the youth of the world. Y’all, we are in big trouble.
This week was filled with ridiculous shenanigans from the young ones in Hollywood. And the old ones of Hollywood, too, I guess.
I’d like to start with a heartfelt open letter to Prince Harry, prince of England, third in line for the throne. He was caught in a compromising position in Las Vegas during a game of strip billiards (that’s a thing?) and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, except if 1) you’re a Prince of anything 2) you invite girls up to your suite and don’t take away their camera phones and 3) TMZ has money to pay people for naked pictures.
The boy who is three flatlines away from ruling a nation spent a few days partying hardy in Las Vegas, challenging Ryan Lochte to a swim-off (spoiler alert, Lochte won) and chasing bikini babes, You know, your normal, everyday, late 20s playboy ish. Except normal playboys aren’t THE PRINCE OF ENGLAND. And of course, duh, some “despicable girl” sold the photos to a tabloid. DERP.
And y’all, the queen is pissed. Like super pissed. She ordered Prince Harry home mere hours after TMZ published the photos. OoOoOoOh, Prince Harry, you’re in trouble! Also in hot water? His security staff and handlers, who the Royal Family blames in part for the naked fiasco – apparently, it’s not that he got naked with his closest new friends, but that it was caught on camera. Royals are crossing their fingers that there are no more nude pictures of Prince Harry — and celebrity gossipers are crossing their fingers that there are.
Now for that open letter.
Dear Prince Harry,
Please keep being the posterchild for millennials everywhere so I’ll continue to have things to write about.
In other “what were they thinking?” news:
- Amanda Bynes was involved in another car accident, this time being rear-ended. I’m sure it’s not the first time she’s been rear ended ahaha. Also: Please will you hire a driver, Amanda Bynes.
- Lindsey Lohan, patron saint of “She’s Never Going to Learn”, was questioned in response to a jewelry theft report at a home where she’d stayed the night.
- The conservatorship of Britney Spears’ fortune will continue because she has a ‘medical condition’ that prevents her from managing her life. Speculate what she has in the comments!
- Katy Perry and John Mayer’s short romance ended after only two months. I’m extremely not shocked.
- The brother of Jef Holmes, who proposed to Bachelorette Emily Maynard in this spring’s season finale, is going all over lyin’ about cheatin’ and a breakup. I just can’t BELIEVE someone would go to the media with an inaccurate story just for a little publicity…oh wait…that happens all the time.
- Avril Lavigne is engaged to Chad Kroeger from Nickelback. No punchline needed.
- Randy Travis is drunk again, but this time inserting himself into a domestic dispute in a church parking lot. And just when you think he couldn’t get more country….
- Taylor Swift and boyfriend Connor Kennedy crashed the wedding of his cousin, refusing to leave when asked. Kathy Lee Gifford corroborated the story; that’s now I know it’s true.
Some people’s children…
Have a happy weekend!