The Olympics are slowly killing me.
Between my blood pressure spikes after reading spoiler alerts during the day and the fact that I’m up every night until midnight watching, I feel like I’ve just swam the fastest relay of my career. I mean, I’m presuming this is what it feels like. SPOILER ALERT, I don’t swim (but if there was an Olympic medal for floating in a pool while reading a magazine without getting it wet, I’m all over it.)
So, needness to say, although I’m going to go ahead and say it, I didn’t get around to curating the best celebrity news for you this week. It’s Ok, though, there wasn’t much going on. I mean, Robsten fallout, more Jacksons drama. Just read last week’s Roundup and basically those big stories are continued.
Thank God for TMZ and People’s Twitter accounts, amiright? Her’es a relay of one-and-done stories from the week with a little Olympic-sized goodness thrown in for good measure.
AND WE’RE OFF!
- Pop music legend Stevie Wonder filed for divorce from his wife of 11 years, Kai MIllard Morris. The couple have been separated since 2009.
- BREAKING NEWS: Ryan Lochte and everyone else pees in the pool before races. Ick and Gross.
- Miley Cyrus got a shock when cops busted into her house after a fake 911 call.
- There is trouble in paradise for Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson, who will join the cast of VH1′s upcoming season of Couples Therapy.Wow, the earth is now shaking with the collective sound of the world doing a head-desk.
- Katherine Jackson now reportedly believes she was “duped” into checking in to a lux resort in Arizona. Somebody dupe me to travel to a spa…I promise I’ll believe you.
- Katy Perry was seen cavorting with songster John Mayer at the Chateau Marmont this week. Jessica Simpson, Taylor Swift and now Katy Perry? He must have a thing for sub-par music.
- Even though he acts and looks like one, Macaulay Culkin wants you to know he’s not a heroin addict. (Yet.)
- Beach volleyball hottie Kerri Walsh has been playing with pinkeye. Guys, her eyes are up here.
- What do diamond grills have to do with Olympic Swimming? A lot, actually.
- Cuba Gooding Jr. is in hot water after allegedly shoving a female bartender against the wall at a bar in New Orleans. You had me at “wait, Cuba Gooding Jr. is still around?”
- Prince William and Princess Katherine are just the cutest damn thing ever in the history of the Olympics. Sorry, Gabby Douglas. You won gold, but lost the cute medal.
- Ryan Lochte loves one night stands, but it’s not what you think. Except now, that’s what everyone things.
- Kobe Bryant was “forced” to strip down to his pants only at an afterparty in Barcelona. Dear Vanessa, having a great time at the Olympics! Wish you were here (or not.) Love Kobe.