Closing a motherhood chapter

Last Tuesday, I started thinking about the last time the Wee One nursed.

Was it Saturday? Sunday? I honestly had no clue. He’d been sick, so we were letting him sleep in if he wanted to, which meant I often had to leave for work before he woke up. Since he was only nursing in the mornings, and for only a few minutes, I really didn’t notice.

No, not true. I noticed how much easier it was for me to get out the door in the mornings.

He dropped his evening nursing completely two months ago. He just wasn’t interested. I actually offered one night and he adamantly shook his head no, then laid his little fuzzy head on my chest. Baby snuggles? Don’t mind if I do!

Luke woke up Saturday ready to play. Faced with wrangling a squirming baby on my lap to breastfeed for approximately two minutes or letting him toddle quickly into the living room to throw blocks around, I went with the latter. We didn’t nurse. My breastfeeding chapter of motherhood had officially closed.

I never dreamed that close to two years ago, as I sat in the recliner in my baby’s room sobbing because he wouldn’t latch, pumping while I fed him a bottle, that breastfeeding would end with such a whimper. I pictured it a year ago with some sadness. How could I ever let this beautiful feeling go? Wouldn’t I miss the way he looked at me, the close snuggles, the feeling that I’m nourishing him with my own body?

The truth is, I don’t. I haven’t. I won’t. It’s time….I knew it and he knew it. He’s not a baby anymore; he’s a little boy. He’s funny and charming and active. He’d rather jump on the couch and scribble with chalk than sit on my lap. He’d rather blow bubbles in his milk than breastfeed, and that’s OK. To me, this means I’ve done my job. I’ve raised a healthy, happy baby into a happy, healthy toddler.

Breastfeeding was my ‘secret weapon’ when nothing else would settle him down, and while I’ll miss that, I won’t miss choosing clothing that gives me easy access to the girls, or when he paws at my chest in public, or when he would try to stand on his head while he’s nursing.

I’m excited at the next stage of motherhood and bonding with him in many other ways. Weaning my toddler was easy, calm and anticlimactic, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.


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