Motherhood Awards

Baby with paint on his face

Six hours into my labor, I was coping just fine without an epidural. I was doing my breathing exercises and feeling just fine, when my nurse, a no-nonsense night nurse who was in no mood for my hippie breathing, asked for he fifth time if I wanted an epidural.

“honey, listen. Get the epidural. If an emergency c section comes in, they trump you and you might not get anything. Get it now while you can. You don’t get a medal for this. There’s no trophy at the end.”

While motherhood is its own reward, I feel like we work hard enough as moms to deserve a little something for our troubles. I’d like to propose some medals for bravery, perseverance and patience that we should be earning.

  • the Golden Vagina- I pushed a baby out. The end.
  • I Just Got Pooped On – that awkward moment when you realize what that wet feeling is….
  • Up All Night – awarded after your first all-nighter with a newborn
  • 200 Mile Floor Pacer – awarded after logging 200 miles walking and shhing your baby endlessly
  • Public Meltdown Survival
  • Pump-a-holic – For any woman who had lugged a breast pump to work, even once.
  • Oh, So That’s What 4:45 Looks Like – when your child loses his or her mind and starts waking up early
  • spaghetti head baby – also applies to any other food that requires a wet rag for cleanup
  • Emergency Room Seat Warmer – awarded after your first trip to the er with your little one
  • First day of school – real school. I will cry real tears.

What badges or awards do you wish you had for motherhood bravery?

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