I have a bittersweet relationship with Lindsay Lohan news. One one hand, she’s an easy target whose legal struggles have been so unbelievable you wonder if she’s a Hollywood director’s secret pet project and it’s all an act. On the other hand, there are times when I’m writing about her and I just want someone to come along and swaddle her until she quits acting like a fool, ya know? She’s a little girl who is incredibly lost.
On the other other hand, she’s been given more second chances in her young life than many of us “normal folks” will get ever, and yet still doesn’t seem to realize how lucky she is — so that makes me want to see her fail.
That’s three hands. I don’t even have three hands. That’s what Lindsay Lohan does to me.
At first I didn’t want to support her success by tuning into SNL, but at the 11th hour (literally, 11 pm) I decided to tune in. It could only go one of two ways.
Lindsay Lohan SNL Highs (No pun intended)
Not bad. Some funny moments from Keenan Thompson and Kristen Wiig — plus, anytime Jimmy Fallon is on TV it has to be good. At this point, I thought she might pull it off.
Real Housewives of Disney
Possibly one of the funniest skits I’ve seen on Saturday Night Live this season (and probably last season, too). But to be clear — it wasn’t because of Lindsay Lohan. I loved Kristen Wiig as a drunk Cinderella and Vanessa Bayer as a ghetto fabulous Snow White.
This one actually gave me a few big chuckles. The guys couldn’t have been funnier as overenthusiastic morning radio hosts at a hip-hop station in Minnesota, and Lindsay had a few good lines as Illiterate Lisa, the intern. However, something was off about her timing and she didn’t do much additional acting besides saying her lines (but at least she memorized them in this sketch.)
Lindsay Lohan SNL Lows
Like, everything else.
Although Lindsay looks healthier than she has for awhile (and seems like she’s clean), she looks like she’s about 42 years old and also like she’s wearing a wig. And? She sounds like she smokes a pack a day, which she probably does if we’re going to be honest.
The “funny one time two years ago” Scared Straight skit was just painful to watch, as Lindsey looked off screen at the teleprompter constantly, flubbed up her lines and couldn’t pull off self-deprecating jokes about her legal problems.
Or this skit with Kristen Wiig during which Lindsay Lohan plays a housesitter. A decent idea poorly executed by Wiig’s scene chewing and Lindsay Lohan’s stiff acting.
Saturday Night Live sort of sucks. We’ve all known that for years. I personally still tune in (albeit via DVR a few nights later) but usually end up fast forwarding because so many of the skits fall flat, go on too long or stopped being funny after the first five times. It’s weak and unfunny at best, painfully embarrassing at worst.
Bring in Lindsay Lohan, give her terrible script, and of course she’s going to fail.
But then again, she essentially hasn’t been in a successful movie since Mean Girls. She clearly didn’t bother memorizing her lines, she has no comedic timing and she missed her cues. She couldn’t even play herself with a sense of humor. Even if she had the best script in Hollywood, I’m unsure she could handle it.
Maybe she’s just not good at live TV; maybe SNL set her up for failure; maybe she set herself up for failure.
You can argue that Lindsay Lohan isn’t cut out to be an actress; that she covets the lifestyle of an actress more than she cares for acting. I personally think she’s just reached her prime as a child actress and that her problems are always going to overshadow her potential. She’s been LiLo-who-screws-up so long that it’s impossible for us to see her any other way; so even if all the elements were perfect — if her Saturday Night Life performance was on point and the material was amazing — viewers would still think she failed because of who she is.
All in all, I don’t think this was a great way to launch a comeback.
Did you watch Lindsay Lohan on Saturday Night LIve? What did you think? Success or failure?