Be careful what you wish for

Happy Monday. I’m here to tell you a fable.


On the way back from Orlando Saturday…

Hub: You’re always on that phone. Put it down and talk to me.

Me: But i’m talking to my Twitter friends.

Hub: I know but let’s talk. I’m bored just driving.

Me: Ok. What do you want to talk about?

Hub: I don’t know, just whatever.

Me: You know the retirement villages in Ocala? I was just thinking, what if some young person, not like a teenager or something, I mean someone our age or just a little younger, like someone in her late 20s…what if she had married some older guy — a doctor. For his money, of course. So they had just gotten married and he was all, “You know, I’ve worked hard my whole life, it’s time to retire. I’m going to build a house down in On Top of the World.”

So because they are married, she’s like, oh great, I have to move to a retirement village. So then they build the house and it’s super nice, but I mean what is she going to do there? She’s in her 20s. But she loves him — for his money, I mean — and she knows when she has a good thing going.

Well, what if then every day he’s like, “well honey, I’m going to go golfing with my doctor golf friends. See you later.” And she’s just at home in this nice house in a retirement village, ya know? And she gets done with the stuff around the house in the morning that she has to do — I don’t know what, because she quit her job after she got married.

But anyway, she thinks, well nothing better to do so I’m going to go lay by the pool and read my Kindle. And she gets down there probably around 11:30 or noon and can never find a chair because the old people have already gotten down there early in the morning, probably like 6:30 a.m., because that’s what old people do. And at that point, it’s either sit by herself in her new house or get up early to get a spot by the pool. I mean what a crappy decision to have to make.

Hub: What….how did you even come up with that?

Me: I saw the billboard on the way down here this afternoon.

the billboard for on top of the world retirement community

Hub: So how long have you been thinking about it?

Me: All day.

Hub: ALL DAY? So what you’re telling me is the whole time we were at Disney, I was thought you were being quiet because you were thinking about what a nice time we’re having, the great memories we’re making and our Saturday family time and how sweet it is, but in reality you were thinking about a billboard for a retirement community?

Me: No, not the whole time. I mean, most of the time I was thinking about our family time. But just sometimes I would think about that retirement community.

Hub: Are you just saying this so I’ll tell you to play with your phone again?

Me: NO. Of course not. But I mean, if you wonder what I talk to people about on Twitter, this is a good indication.

Hub: I don’t think old people would go to the pool that early.

Me: Ok, well 7 then.

Hub: Yeah, I dont’ even think 7. Maybe 8.

Me: But still WAY earlier than she’s going to the pool. And then she has some friends back in Orlando or Gainesville or wherever — like some sorority sisters or something — and they all have jobs and some of them are married with young kids, and here she is moving to On Top of the World with her elderly husband, living in a retirement community. And they don’t really know what to say to her because — I mean, awkward, right?

Hub: !!!!


Next time you ask someone to put down their phone and talk to you, think twice. You never know what they’re cooking up in their overactive brains.

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