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Happy Monday. I’m here to tell you a fable.
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On the way back from Orlando Saturday…
Hub: You’re always on that phone. Put it down and talk to me.
Me: But i’m talking to my Twitter friends.
Hub: I know but let’s talk. I’m bored just driving.
Me: Ok. What do you want to talk about?
Hub: I don’t know, just whatever.
Me: You know the retirement villages in Ocala? I was just thinking, what if some young person, not like a teenager or something, I mean someone our age or just a little younger, like someone in her late 20s…what if she had married some older guy — a doctor. For his money, of course. So they had just gotten married and he was all, “You know, I’ve worked hard my whole life, it’s time to retire. I’m going to build a house down in On Top of the World.”
So because they are married, she’s like, oh great, I have to move to a retirement village. So then they build the house and it’s super nice, but I mean what is she going to do there? She’s in her 20s. But she loves him — for his money, I mean — and she knows when she has a good thing going.
Well, what if then every day he’s like, “well honey, I’m going to go golfing with my doctor golf friends. See you later.” And she’s just at home in this nice house in a retirement village, ya know? And she gets done with the stuff around the house in the morning that she has to do — I don’t know what, because she quit her job after she got married.
But anyway, she thinks, well nothing better to do so I’m going to go lay by the pool and read my Kindle. And she gets down there probably around 11:30 or noon and can never find a chair because the old people have already gotten down there early in the morning, probably like 6:30 a.m., because that’s what old people do. And at that point, it’s either sit by herself in her new house or get up early to get a spot by the pool. I mean what a crappy decision to have to make.
Hub: What….how did you even come up with that?
Me: I saw the billboard on the way down here this afternoon.
Hub: So how long have you been thinking about it?
Me: All day.
Hub: ALL DAY? So what you’re telling me is the whole time we were at Disney, I was thought you were being quiet because you were thinking about what a nice time we’re having, the great memories we’re making and our Saturday family time and how sweet it is, but in reality you were thinking about a billboard for a retirement community?
Me: No, not the whole time. I mean, most of the time I was thinking about our family time. But just sometimes I would think about that retirement community.
Hub: Are you just saying this so I’ll tell you to play with your phone again?
Me: NO. Of course not. But I mean, if you wonder what I talk to people about on Twitter, this is a good indication.
Hub: I don’t think old people would go to the pool that early.
Me: Ok, well 7 then.
Hub: Yeah, I dont’ even think 7. Maybe 8.
Me: But still WAY earlier than she’s going to the pool. And then she has some friends back in Orlando or Gainesville or wherever — like some sorority sisters or something — and they all have jobs and some of them are married with young kids, and here she is moving to On Top of the World with her elderly husband, living in a retirement community. And they don’t really know what to say to her because — I mean, awkward, right?
Hub: !!!!
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Next time you ask someone to put down their phone and talk to you, think twice. You never know what they’re cooking up in their overactive brains.
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Twitter: euregirlsandboy
Well, I feel sorry for that lonely 20-something with all the oldies.
Did he give up and let you play on your phone after that?
I feel sorry for her too. i mean, what a hard life to lead (I mean, besides the whole “by the pool with her Kindle” thing)
He didn’t give up. He’s persistent if nothing else…but we did get a good laugh about it.
Twitter: yorkiemomma
Scary thing is, I totally followed that train of thought. Now I can’t help thinking about that poor girl!
Right? I mean I couldn’t get her out of my head. Glad you understand my crazy thinking
Ok. I would totally marry for the money (ok, really… maybe not) – but I would *NEVER* marry someone that made me live in a retirement community! I mean oldies are awesome for the history and stuff, but I really don’t want to hear the same stories over and over since they forgot they had already told me about it. (And I’m too nice to tell them so.)
Also? Kelsey should know that you and I could take this scenario to a whole new level on Hey Tell.
I’m putting this link in my favorites and the next time J gives me a hard time about being on my phone and not talking to him, I’m going to send him the link as a warning. If he still wants to talk to me after that, he can’t complain when I share what’s in my head. Because the things in my head…are eerily similar to this.
Twitter: RandomBlogette
You have one wicked little mind girl.
You are so funny Amanda, I have to say…a question like that would have perplexed me the whole day as well. Oh, and as one who has worked with elderly people before…6 am – all the way!!!
Twitter: AwesomeHutch
THIS, right here, is why we are friends.
#awesomeaustin
Twitter: KimberlyAMuro
This is totally someone I would have thought too. Did he finally give in and let you play with your phone?
Twitter: lindsTR
HA!!! This is awesome. 1) Because my hubs says the same thing to me about my phone. On which I am either on Twitter, texting you or surfing the Internet for celeb gossip. 2) Because I know someone who may very well be in this situation soon!
Twitter: amymacsmusings
This made me laugh and laugh and laugh!
Hahahahaha. Thank you for the laugh.
Twitter: annacdaisy
I live in Florida and have to drive to Orlando for work frequently and always see those billboards. Sadly, where I live, the whole dang county feels like a retirement community. During season, don’t even think about going to out to dinner before early bird is over.
So you know exactly what I’m talking about! The one where the woman looks younger than the guy!
Twitter: SaidKristin
This so sounds like some random topic my husband and I would get into an argument about. Kind of like that one time when he swore Conrad Bain (Mr. Drummond from Diff’rent Strokes) had a twin brother named Bon and I didn’t believe him.
And personally, I would LOVE to love in a retirement village! All your yardwork is done for you – maybe even your housework, too! And since you married rich, you wouldn’t have to work, so there would literally be nothing to do all day but lay out by the pool and read (or blog or tweet). And retirement villages always have the PRETTIEST pools and grounds. I would gladly get up early to do that.
I’ve actually thought about this a lot. I may have even brought it up to Hubs. When we were in Florida. Driving from Port Charlotte to WPB. Because I probably saw a billboard.
Of course you had that same thought…cause we’re sort of bloggy brain twins
Whew. I’m glad you think like this too. Now I don’t feel so alone.
Love it.
THANK YOU for saying that…I’m so glad I posted it so now I don’t feel like I’m such a ding dong!
Nice strategic way to get him to let you pick up the phone again! (-:
Twitter: SensibleMoms
Loved this! Now when my hubby wants to know what I’m talking about on Twitter, I’ll refer him to this post! Ellen
LOL that’s a good one
Thank you…I know it confuses my husband so much.
Twitter: MayorGia
Hhahah random is definitely right.
Random, it’s what I do best
Twitter: newdaynewlesson
LOL-my train of thought on most days sounds just like your post.
Made me chuckle.
Glad I could make you giggle! And yes, those trains of thoughts are super fun to ride, huh?
My cousin’s fiance rented a place in an over 55 community, even though he’s 40. Still don’t the logic on that one, but I totally followed your train of thought here.
So strange! Maybe he just likes old people??
SO, which model is the young 20 something gold digger in the billboard? I couldn’t find her. Or did you just imagine the whole scenario from the billboard? Overactive imagination and all… Funny stuff. Reminds me of Bloggess and hubby’s back and forth.
Well, its’ actually another billboard that has a younger looking girl…I wish I would have taken a picture! Thanks for the nice words…anytime I can be compared to the Bloggess is a good day
Twitter: finallymom
haha too funny and i’m totally seeing the movie In Her Shoes, i think it’s called? with Cameron Diaz and … i forget her name… they’re sisters and they get into a huge fight and Cameron discovers their long lost grandmother who lives in one of these retirment communities. with a pool. and she gets in her little bikini to tan by the pool…
Twitter: smushyfacebaby
awesome, awesome randomness. i will be using this next time my husband bitches about me being on the phone!!
funny stuff! Hey he asked you to talk to him right? He got his wish. lol
I’m visiting from Finding The Funny. Love your blog.
Thanks Deb! But yes, he asked for it for sure! Like I said, be careful what you wish for
Are you sure they would even let him build in the retirement village with such a young wife. My grandmother lives in a retirement-like community and you have to be 55 or older to live there. This story kind of made me think of “In Her Shoes” when Cameron Diaz went to live with Shirley Maclain in her retirement village. Also, don’t you love how everybody is going along with this random story with you?
That’s my favorite part of this whole post….that everybody is all, “but what about this!” and “oh that poor girl!”
Twitter: kindredadventur
First time visitor from Yeah Write… What a FUN place!! I got such a kick out of that story because I could totally see that happening in the car with my hubs. Your story had me smiling and in giggles. Sometimes they really do not really want to know what is on our mind… that and what we are tweeting about…;) -LV
I’m wondering if next time he will just let me tweet
I know I’m telling a good story when he just shakes his head at me. Ha!
Twitter: TraceCam
It is pretty funny to think about that poor young girl stuck in a retirement community. But it’s funnier that you managed to get your husband to engage in the conversation!
Rigght? He was totally into it by the end. Thanks for stopping by
Twitter: dadofthedecade
Wait. Isn’t Florida way down near the bottom of the world? Also, if I were her, I’d get some kind of chair that is really, really uncomfortable for old people and leave it at the pool!
Thanks for a fun post!
That poor imaginary rich girl.
I adore couple conversations that rank right the heights of randomness. That’s what keeps the marriage going, I tell ya.
Twitter: michellelongo
Sounds like a conversation I’d have with my husband. Loved it!
Twitter: gfunkified
Bahaha! You crack me up, Amanda. But really, that is a totally valid train of thought….what DOES happen when you marry some old guy for money? He’s *probably* not just going to die in his sleep a few weeks later. Really, 20-something. Think it through.
Twitter: katefineske
Hehehe. That was great! I can totally picture my husband and I having the same conversation
That’s true love — when they can listen to your randomness!
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
You sound like my husband! He comes up with totally random stuff he just thinks of!
Twitter: mycrazybusylife
The fact that I followed your train of thought during the story just goes to show that we were destined to be internet besties.
I bet the poor rich girl would either a) bring a float to hang out IN the pool since the old ladies are afraid of getting their hair wet or b) bring down her own chair from her new, big house.
Twitter: KelleysBreakRm
This is so funny! I love how you were not thinking about the retirement community ALL day, but it would come to your mind throughout the day. I can so identify! Love that y’all had a conversation about the billboard. Made me laugh! Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny last week!