HEY YOU GUYS! Celebrity Roundup’s first anniversary is coming up in a few short weeks and I’m gonna be a hosting a big Lindsey-Lohan style bender to celebrate. Big news is coming in the next few days and I’ll be announcing it first on my Facebook Fan Page. Hints every day. Now’s the time to click ‘like’!
Welp, Mr. Treadmill, my old foe, you lost out tonight to the Celebrity Roundup. I’m writing this from the comfort of my bed while my husband plays some stupid video game that I want to throw out the window because he won’t even stop playing long enough to look at the pictures of my sorority sister’s cute baby and what kind of person doesn’t want to look at cute pictures of babies? A lame person, that’s who.
Speaking of treadmills, don’t you think they would be more palatable if they were called something else? Like, maybe Happy Time Fun Machine, for instance?
Gah, I’m rambling. Ignore me. I’m just in a delirious stupor thinking of all the delicious food I’m going to cram directly into my face on Super Bowl Sunday. Oh, yeah, it’s that time of year again — the time I care for one hot second about football just so I can justify eating cheese until my intestines are fully blocked. (Click on that link. You know you want to….)
If there’s one thing about sports I love — literally, ONE THING because I am not what you would call a sports fan — it’s arbitrarily choosing one team over another. So in honor of Super Bowl Sunday, how about a few celebrity matchups?
First, up: Giselle Bundchen and Madonna.
Gisele Bundchen was in the news this week when she asked her fans and followers to send spiritual energy and prayers for husband, New England quarterback Tom Brady, to lead his team to victory. Because God has nothing better to do this Sunday since Tebow and the Broncos lost.
Madonna will performing a halftime show at the Super Bowl that she promises to be a “feast for the eyes and ears” for all ages. And by all ages, I hope she means middle aged men. Which, I don’t think she gets that particular target demographic because she also promised no “wardrobe malfunctions” a la Janet Jackson’s infamous boobgate of 2004. She also promised to sing three classic Madonna hits and one new song. Nothing says football like Madonna hits from the 80s.
Who’s less relevant to the Super Bowl: Giselle or Madonna?
It’s been awhile since I reported on Teen Mom! Next match up, we have Leah Messner
Simms and Jenelle Evans.
Leah Messer, mother of Ali and Aleeah, decided to clear the air regarding her 6-month marriage to ex-husband and baby daddy Corey Simms by admitting she cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend before walking down the aisle.
She Tweeted Wednesday:
“Okay, I cheated a week before my wedding people. I’m tired of hearing about it. At least I’m not a coward, and can admit my faults!”
She went on to say:
Oh my word….SMH.
On this week’s Teen Mom 2, Jenelle Evans, mother of the year, threw a hissy fit after receiving supervised probation for breaking and entering and drug charges. She complained how unfair the sentence was. “”I have to sit here and quit smoking pot for, like, a whole year! And not get in trouble, or anything, or be around alcohol, or nothing,” she cried.
A whole year!? No trouble? Or nuthin’? How ever will she cope.
Who is the worse Teen Mom: Jenelle or Leah?
Who says politics and celebrities don’t mix? (Nobody, that’s who.) Up next: Roseanne Barr and Newt Gingrich (and Brad Pitt.)
Roseanne Barr, in what has to be a great big Pranked on the American voting public, has filed paperwork to become the Green Party candidate for President. She’s been campaigning digitally on Twitter and Facebook and made the official announcement Thursday night. This makes Roseanne the first presidential candidate nominated through Twitter so e’rybody get away from George WAshington’s grave because he’s about to start rolling around in five, four, three…..
Newt Gingrich called in to the Rich Stevens Radio Show from some distant fantasy-land and told the host he’d like Brad Pitt to play him in a Hollywood movie of his life. The GOP nominee said, although they don’t necessarily resemble one another (which is the understatement of 2012), he might as well go for broke and pick someone like Brad.
Which potential President is more delusional: Roseanne or Newt?
And there’s more:
- Kellie Pickler, cat lover and country music singer, named her first cat as a child “Ugly”. As if her voice wasn’t enough cruelty for that poor animal.
- Elisabetta Canalis, ex-girlfriend of George Clooney, was seen kissing Jackass star Steve-O. Once you’ve dated Clooney, guess there is nowhere to go but down.
- Simon Cowell fired pretty much everyone on X Factor, but says he’ll work with “good friend” Paula Abdul again soon on another project. Geez, how many pet projects can Hollywood make up for Paula before someone just puts her in a home.
- Taran Noah Smith, best known as his role as Mark Taylor on Home Improvement and nothing else, was arrested 1 am Wednesday for a DUI and drug possession. What’s weirder: the kid from Home Improvement is a pot head or that he drives a 1998 Honda?
- Katherine Heigl, actress and goody-goody with a stick up her ass, slammed Lifetime’s Dance Moms, saying it is “belittling”. Shut your mouth when you’re talking about Dance Moms! Next thing you know, Heig is going to be telling us that cigarettes are bad for us and the sun is hot. Who would win in a fistfight: Katherine Heigl or Abby Lee Miller?
The thredUP community – where moms swap kids clothes and toys. It’s easier than ever to hand-down outgrown children’s items and earn cashback – up to $20 per bag!