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HEY YOU GUYS! Celebrity Roundup’s first anniversary is coming up in a few short weeks and I’m gonna be a hosting a big Lindsey-Lohan style bender to celebrate. Big news is coming in the next few days and I’ll be announcing it first on my Facebook Fan Page. Hints every day. Now’s the time to click ‘like’!
Welp, Mr. Treadmill, my old foe, you lost out tonight to the Celebrity Roundup. I’m writing this from the comfort of my bed while my husband plays some stupid video game that I want to throw out the window because he won’t even stop playing long enough to look at the pictures of my sorority sister’s cute baby and what kind of person doesn’t want to look at cute pictures of babies? A lame person, that’s who.
Speaking of treadmills, don’t you think they would be more palatable if they were called something else? Like, maybe Happy Time Fun Machine, for instance?
Gah, I’m rambling. Ignore me. I’m just in a delirious stupor thinking of all the delicious food I’m going to cram directly into my face on Super Bowl Sunday. Oh, yeah, it’s that time of year again — the time I care for one hot second about football just so I can justify eating cheese until my intestines are fully blocked. (Click on that link. You know you want to….)
If there’s one thing about sports I love — literally, ONE THING because I am not what you would call a sports fan — it’s arbitrarily choosing one team over another. So in honor of Super Bowl Sunday, how about a few celebrity matchups?
First, up: Giselle Bundchen and Madonna.
Gisele Bundchen was in the news this week when she asked her fans and followers to send spiritual energy and prayers for husband, New England quarterback Tom Brady, to lead his team to victory. Because God has nothing better to do this Sunday since Tebow and the Broncos lost.
Madonna will performing a halftime show at the Super Bowl that she promises to be a “feast for the eyes and ears” for all ages. And by all ages, I hope she means middle aged men. Which, I don’t think she gets that particular target demographic because she also promised no “wardrobe malfunctions” a la Janet Jackson’s infamous boobgate of 2004. She also promised to sing three classic Madonna hits and one new song. Nothing says football like Madonna hits from the 80s.
Who’s less relevant to the Super Bowl: Giselle or Madonna?
It’s been awhile since I reported on Teen Mom! Next match up, we have Leah Messner Simms and Jenelle Evans.
Leah Messer, mother of Ali and Aleeah, decided to clear the air regarding her 6-month marriage to ex-husband and baby daddy Corey Simms by admitting she cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend before walking down the aisle.
She Tweeted Wednesday:
“Okay, I cheated a week before my wedding people. I’m tired of hearing about it. At least I’m not a coward, and can admit my faults!”
Sigh.
She went on to say:
Oh my word….SMH.
On this week’s Teen Mom 2, Jenelle Evans, mother of the year, threw a hissy fit after receiving supervised probation for breaking and entering and drug charges. She complained how unfair the sentence was. “”I have to sit here and quit smoking pot for, like, a whole year! And not get in trouble, or anything, or be around alcohol, or nothing,” she cried.
A whole year!? No trouble? Or nuthin’? How ever will she cope.
Who is the worse Teen Mom: Jenelle or Leah?
Who says politics and celebrities don’t mix? (Nobody, that’s who.) Up next: Roseanne Barr and Newt Gingrich (and Brad Pitt.)
Roseanne Barr, in what has to be a great big Pranked on the American voting public, has filed paperwork to become the Green Party candidate for President. She’s been campaigning digitally on Twitter and Facebook and made the official announcement Thursday night. This makes Roseanne the first presidential candidate nominated through Twitter so e’rybody get away from George WAshington’s grave because he’s about to start rolling around in five, four, three…..
Newt Gingrich called in to the Rich Stevens Radio Show from some distant fantasy-land and told the host he’d like Brad Pitt to play him in a Hollywood movie of his life. The GOP nominee said, although they don’t necessarily resemble one another (which is the understatement of 2012), he might as well go for broke and pick someone like Brad.
Which potential President is more delusional: Roseanne or Newt?
And there’s more:
- Kellie Pickler, cat lover and country music singer, named her first cat as a child “Ugly”. As if her voice wasn’t enough cruelty for that poor animal.
- Elisabetta Canalis, ex-girlfriend of George Clooney, was seen kissing Jackass star Steve-O. Once you’ve dated Clooney, guess there is nowhere to go but down.
- Simon Cowell fired pretty much everyone on X Factor, but says he’ll work with “good friend” Paula Abdul again soon on another project. Geez, how many pet projects can Hollywood make up for Paula before someone just puts her in a home.
- Taran Noah Smith, best known as his role as Mark Taylor on Home Improvement and nothing else, was arrested 1 am Wednesday for a DUI and drug possession. What’s weirder: the kid from Home Improvement is a pot head or that he drives a 1998 Honda?
- Katherine Heigl, actress and goody-goody with a stick up her ass, slammed Lifetime’s Dance Moms, saying it is “belittling”. Shut your mouth when you’re talking about Dance Moms! Next thing you know, Heig is going to be telling us that cigarettes are bad for us and the sun is hot. Who would win in a fistfight: Katherine Heigl or Abby Lee Miller?
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I have slowly but surely tried to become best friends with my treadmill but it’s hard. My iPad helps me get through it. Ok, I’m pretty sure Roseanne is straight crazy now (if she wasn’t already). I saw her on The Talk or something last year and it was just weird. She kept talking about growing nuts or something. Poor Home Improvement kid. My Honda is two years younger than his and I wasn’t even a child star.
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
Roseanne for President!! I wanna be American now
I am so over Teen Mom 2. Bring back the originals! I’d rather watch Farrah do the ugly cry over and over than see Jenelle’s stupid drama nonstop.
tara recently posted..the nail files- week 5
Twitter: editorialicious
Teen Mom is totally terrifying…
Twitter: EverythingEvie
If I had to put money on it, I’d say Madonna could easily kick Giselle Bundchen’s ass. Have you seen Madonna’s arms? That woman, albiet annoyingly over-exposed (in more ways than one,) is in mad shape. Also? Giselle makes me want to slap her with all the nonsense she spews on a daily basis. LOL
Yeah she’s pretty annoying! I have to go with Madonna here, though. At least Giselle is married to the quarterback. But in a fight? Madonna hands down.
You are the best celebrity gossiper ever. Love your round ups, they remind me how much tv I don’t get to watch.
You’re so sweet! Trust me, nothing good is on. I usually just end up reading recaps of shows and watching reruns of Golden Girls.
This round-up was fun! I’m so glad I go to you for all my celebrity gossip.
Twitter: bestoffates
Love the Facebook integration! Will def try and remember to go on this weekend and vote. Though I admit, I’ve never seen Teen Moms and am now horrified about society.
Please never, ever watch. Perserve your virgin eyes. You can’t go back to a world before you witness Teen Mom.
That’s Roseanne? When did she go grey?
Twitter: SaidKristin
Only Madonna could take a football game and make it all about her. Much as I want to generall dropkick Giselle in the junk, at least she’s married to the Pats quarterback – her e-mail, while sappy, was somewhat legitimate. Although I had to laugh at “God has nothing better to do this Sunday since Tebow and the Broncos lost.” Nice!
And Jenelle is the worst Teen Mom. Leah just sounds like a bad wife. But what the hell do I know – I don’t watch that show.
I’ll try to remember to get my picks in on FB. Fun!
NOBODY MESSES WITH ABBY LEE!!
I certainly wouldn’t. She’s the scariest woman on tV for real.
Twitter: laurenweber84
This is probably my favorite CR ever! I totally am going to go cast my votes on FB.
Re: TM2 I am still sad that Leah and Corey broke up…but really she cheated a WEEK before the wedding? She really can’t keep her legs closed. And Jenelle? Yeah, I always defend her thinking she has potential and then something bad happens. I about peed myself with giggles when she was flipping out about not being able to do pot for a year. Did she forget that this would air on TV and make her look like a moron? Oh boy.
Twitter: euregirlsandboy
I think you’ve managed to feature all celebrities I hate this week – which is fine, they’re still interesting. But it means I don’t even think I can pick winners in these matchups. Can I pick my least favorite? The teen moms. I hate them and the fact that their show exists. Especially because I have daughters who might think it makes being a teen mom seem cool. But I also really hate Katherine Heigl for some reason.
Twitter: kallaydoscope
Oh my gosh… I so needed this today. Thanks for bringing it!
Your blog is so entertaining! Seriously, why can I not stop watching Teen Mom! Janelle is a MESS, and yes, I too had to laugh at her “hard” life of not being able to smoke pot for an entire year.
Twitter: SurferWife
Your round-ups make my head spin. Like, it’s just so chalk full of inportant info. I mean really. I get all my news from Twitter and now It’s Blogworthy’s Celebrity Round-ups. I had no idea Roseanne was running for president.
I also hope that dumbshit Teen Mom sees this blog post. Can we tweet it to her?
Everything on here is hilarious! But I am pretty certain that I would want to exercise everyday if I had a happy time fun machine! You are genius!
Just read this out loud with all the intonation I guessed you wrote it in–tears from laughing or TRDMF
ou’re only one of the few people who read this who can actually read it out loud and know how I would sound saying it
Amanda, I don’t know what to say except you truly have a gift! Your round-ups are more fun than, well, cheese dip at a Superbowl party!!