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You guys! I promise I had every intention of having this Roundup ready to go first thing this morning. But you see, I was busy with treadmill time, which is an actual legitimate thing because I put it on Foursquare and checked in and later this week with probably become mayor so put that in your salad and eat it (we eat salads around here now.)
I mean, let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger and this 20 extra pounds of baby weight won’t lose itself.
Ok fine! Geez! It was 10 pounds of baby weight and then another 10 gained back because I thought nursing would burn off all that ice cream and cheese. You people are relentless.
It’s time for me To put on my big girl sports bra and get healthy – something Paula Deen should have done several years ago.
Paula Deen in the Roundup? AS the lead story? I’m as surprised as you are.
Paula Deen announced her diagnosis of type 2 diabetes Tuesday on the Today Show. A diagnosis she received 3 years ago but continued to delight fans with such classics as Brown Sugar Bacon and Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf (bacon, butter, cheese, repeat.) During the show, she also announced she had signed on as spokeswoman for diabetes drub Nova Nordisk, a move criticized by fellow Food Network host Anthony Bourdain, who Tweeted: ”Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later.”
And while he has a point, something tells me it’s not a great idea to mess with a Southern lady.
The whole thing reminds me of this:
But come on, how brilliant is Paula Deen anyway? Re-introduce the world to 1950s Southern cooking, give everyone diabetes, sell a diabetes drug. As if she wasn’t getting kickbacks from the butter council or Jimmy Dean or whoever. Further proof Paula Deen is either trying to take over the world or is some crazy serial killer, but with butter.
From clogged arteries to a broken heart — I have some sad (or happy, depending on how you feel about him) news about Johnny Depp, who is reportedly living a “sad, separate life” with girlfriend Vanessa Paradis. People Magazine is reporting the couple, who have lived a quiet life in France and rarely appear in tabloids, have split after 14 years together (which, according to my impeccably kept and accurate records [yeah right] makes theirs one of the longest Hollywood romances). Radar Online reported he’s “not doing well” despite being an actor who is skilled at hiding his feelings, which is how you know it’s rull bad and also how you know Radar Online has consulted their Websters to determine the exact meaning of the word ‘actor’.
What would Jack Sparrow do? Probably drink more rum.
Ok, one more bombshell. Are you ready for this?
OK Magazine is reporting Angelina Jolie is pregnant — with her fourth biological child! Wait, what!? I thought she was just gonna keep collecting children from all over the world in an attempt to create her very own version of It’s a Small World. Sources say she’s already gutted her bedroom and re-decorated in white in preparation for the new bundle of joy, because as we all know, white is the most practical color for newborns.
Go ahead and add that smooth move to the category of: More Money than Sense.
And there’s more!
- Beyonce is under fire from critics, who say her skin is significantly lighter shade in her the recently released promotional photo for 2001 album 4. That’s not Bey, it’s her surrogate. Duh.
- Rihanna and Chris Brown are supposedly hooking up after his brutal assault on her three years ago. You know that Rihanna, such a role model.
- Third time is a charm for Britney Spears, who will reportedly marry Jason Trawick this summer. Time to settle down, buy a house, be a Mom. It’s fun, Brit, I promise.
- Former Real Housewives of New York star Alex McCord blasted the show, calling it “faux reality” because using the word “faux” makes you automatically better than anyone else on Bravo. What? Reality shows aren’t real? next thing you know, she’ll be telling us that Angelina has a lot of kids and too much brown sugar and butter gives you diabetes.
- Tim Tebow drowned his sorrows in Las Vegas after losing to New England. All-you-can-eat shrimp and virgin strawberry daiquiris sure do lift the spirits!
- Actress Zoe Saldana was a hero this week after she aided an elderly car crash victim in Hollywood. You know you’re fierce when you play hero while wearing stiletto booties.
- Taylor Swift was seen out and about with teen heartthrob Zac Effron. Let’s talk about how T-Swift is described as “un-lucky in love” in that article. Because she’s 22 and has a couple of failed romances? It’s called being a 20-something, Tay. Get over yourself.
- A severed head and feet were found near the Hollywood sign — close to Brad Pitt’s house. I’m speaking for everyone when I say that’s a little too Seven for my taste.
Finishing up the Roundup today with my favorite Paula Deen clip of all time. Enjoy.
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