Today’s Celebrity Roundup is sponsored by my coffee pot, Excedrin and the phrase “there is not enough caffeine in the WORLD…”
Because, face it, we’re all dragging this week. Although I’m still trying to figure out why, exactly, this week has been so difficult to get through, two things are for sure: we made it and Monday is a paid holiday (for me)(and I hope you too)(except Moms never really get a paid holiday, hmm?)
We can thank one Dr. Martin Luther King for this extra bonus day of doing laundry and napping when the baby naps and going to Texas Roadhouse for the “Two can dine for $15 special” . We’re still working toward his dream of equality, but I have a dream of my own — a world where celebrities stop being ridiculous and acting a fool all the time. But then again, what would we talk about on Fridays?
Like, for instance, the the firestorm surrounding the birth of baby Blue Ivy, daughter of Beyonce and Jay-Z, born this weekend at Lenox Hill Hospital in NYC.
First there were reports that Bey and Jay’s entourage kept a man from spending time with his newborns and wife in the NICU, but then the executive director of the hospital claimed that wasn’t so. The couple were also rumored to have spent $1.3 million renting out and remodeling the maternity floor of the hospital, but turns out that’s not true either.
The truth is, the Beyonce “gave birth” in an 5-star, $800/night (because I guess now hospitals charge by the night) birthing suite complete with four flat-screen TVs, several gray and cream sofas, mahogany walls, an extra bed and down comforter and a kitchenette. Well, you know, I had a rocking chair from 1964 in my birthing room so…………………….
Oh, and Beyonce might have faked her pregnancy. That’s still up in the air.
One thing is for certain: Jay-Z did in fact write a rap for his days-old daughter with lyrics such as”
Bad ass Lil Hov
2 years old, shopping on Savile Row
Wicked ass lil B
Hard not to spoil you rotten looking like little me
The song ends with the sound of his newborn baby crying, which, if that didn’t make you tear up just a little then I have to question our friendship.
Thursday, Billboard announced the song entered the charts at 74, making little Blue Ivy Carter (BIC if you’re nasty) the youngest person ever to appear on the list. My dream? That celebrities wait at least a couple years before calling their child a “bad ass”.
Heather Locklear is probably also ready for her long weekend. Heather was rushed to the hospital Thursday afternoon for a possible overdose of prescription medication and alcohol. Her sister placed a 911 call around 2 pm PST, describing the situation as a “suicide attempt” (which turned out to be untrue).
Heather Locklear’s parents released a statement today, saying she’s “no longer in danger” and “medically stable”. No word on her discharge. You know, I may be tired, but at least I didn’t overdose on drugs this week. So there’s that.
This year, I have a dream that all the c0-dependent people in celebrities lives find the courage to tell them no before another one overdoses.
More news? Don’t mind if I do!
- Rihanna skipped the People’s Choice Awards to attend a Clippers game — in the stadium right across the street from the ceremony. The Clippers’ dream has come true: they are finally relevant. <end sports humor>
- Halle Berry got engaged but then didn’t get engaged. You know you’re a celebrity when you can buy an engagement ring to symbolize goin’ steady. Either a celebrity or an 8th grader.
- Kelly Osbourne debuted a new grey hair color at the People’s Choice Awards and claimed her mom hated it. You’re mom is a smart lady.
- Former reality “star” Tila Tequila is converting to Judaism because “Jewish people have a beautiful way about them.” Jewish people everywhere are saying, “no, we don’t’ want her.”
- Is Demi Moore on the rebound? Reports say she’s dating 26-year-old personal trainer Corl-Biaetti. LA twenty-somethings to Demi: “Quit taking our men!”
- What do you get when you cross Tim Tebow with David Bowie? Jimmy Fallon says you get Tebowie! I can’t get enough of the Tebow parodies.
- Princess Catherine and Prince William are proud parents….of a new puppy! Maybe that’ll put a stop to all those pregnancy rumors.
You know what? Maybe my dream isn’t for celebrities to stop being stupid. Instead, I’m going to dream of MORE salacious news in the new year!
Have a great weekend!
What was your favorite story of the week? Sound off! on my Facebook page! Click “like” below to get in on the conversation!