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When I saw the prompt for this week’s Just Be Enough linkup was about something I don’t regret, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about.
To say the past 11 months have been full of change is an understatement. Motherhood wasn’t at all what I anticipated it would be — not in a bad way, just very different than I expected.
Knowing that motherhood was such a new and awkward adventure for me, you’d think that I would have been angsty about my choices. I was talking to a coworker about Mom guilt one day, and she asked if I felt guilty because I second guessed y mothering choices. I told her no — if anything, I was proud of the choices I made.
It’s really easy to get caught up in all the opinions on the blogosphere, but I don’t let myself. I’m not them, they aren’t me, and what I do is best for our little family.
My child has been breastfed. Eleven months now, and there is no doubt in my mind we’ll make it another 20 some days for a full year. He’s never had formula. I’ve pumped or nursed every ounce.
He’s been diapered with disposable diapers.
I swaddled him until he was four and a half months old, when he started flipping over and I knew it wasn’t safe.
He’s never slept in our bed with us, not even for a nap. I never felt comfortable letting that happen, so I didn’t.
I made all his baby food for him.
We let him cry himself to sleep.
He loves watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Little Einsteins and even football sometimes. That’s because I let him watch TV.
I went back to work at 8 weeks. I like working. I mean, financially I have to work, but I can’t say I drag myself in every day and long for the opportunity to stay home.
We put our son in an in-home daycare because we didn’t like a big daycare.
Recommendations? They are just recommendations. Advice? It’s just advice. I know the best thing for my child and for my family, and I stand fully behind every decision I made. The result, for us, is a happy, healthy boy who has hit and exceeded all his milestones and just had his first fever last week. I’m not saying that the choices I make are right for every family, or they are the reason we’ve been so blessed.
I just know that I’m not holding on to any regrets this first year of motherhood.
I think as long as your baby is healthy and happy what you do or do not do is no one’s business. Period.
angel recently posted..The cross in my pocket came from Bethlehem.. A giveaway!!
Exactly! He’s thriving, so I’m doing something right.
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
How you parent, the decisions you make regarding your son – are that – YOURS. No one has a right to tell you if you’re right or wrong. You’re doing right by him and your family, so I’m so proud that you have no regrets in your first year of motherhood!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..I Do Not Regret
Thank you Alison…I’m proud of me and us (he and I) for getting through it. The first year has been so hard!
Twitter: rachel_b123
Love this! I feel like standing and clapping for you!
Rachel recently posted..Shades of Blue Sunday Blue Christmas Inspiration
Thank you Rachel! That’s so sweet of you. I felt really good writing this.
Twitter: mrsmidatlantic
The best parenting decision you have made? Being confident in your decisions. Awesome!
Mrs. MidAtlantic recently posted..It’s been a week
Thank you! yes…it makes a huge different when you’re confident with your decisions.
I imagine it’s really easy to being second-guessing your decisions and start listening to everyone else. But a mother’s instinct is what it is for a reason and you have made the decisions that were best for baby blogworthy and in the end, that is all you have to do. I worry for the children who are being raised by parents who make decisions based on what someone will think of them. It sets a bad example that, even at 11 months, they are sure to pick up on.
Also, this gives me a lot of hope that I will be able to breastfeed for a year. I mean…if you are doing it and working a full time job, what could my excuse possibly be?
Allyson recently posted..Shake a Tail Feather
You can totally do it. It’s the best thing I could have done. It’s not for everyone, but it has been awesome for us. I’m totally at peace when I’m nursing him. And when the time comes, I will totally be your boob coach if you want me to.
Twitter: CathyLynn_
This is awesome. Good for you. From what I’ve seen (I’m not a mother so I haven’t experienced this, but it’s hard to miss it in the blogosphere) mothers are really hard on each other, always judging what others are doing and talking about how their way is the “right” way. So good for you for doing what’s best for your family. I think that’s what is most important.
Cathy recently posted..Movember Auction – Holiday Cards
We are hard on each other, and it’s so stupid. First, it’s nobody’s business. Second, we’re all in it together, so why does there have to be so much bickering? We should be like, let’s just get through this alive and sane!
Twitter: bestoffates
Good for you! You’re clearly doing a fabulous job, so no need to regret anything!
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..Why You Probably Shouldn’t Ask Me To Pet Sit
I love you.
(And not just because we made almost every single same choice: I nursed a year exclusively, went back to work at two months, swaddled, cried-it-out, watched TV, never shared a bed to sleep, in-home day care…But I did give him pre-made baby food. Don’t call CPS
)
What I love is how you so confidently embrace your choices knowing they worked for YOU and no one else’s opinion matters.
My philosophy regarding advice is to NEVER offer it unless asked and then to always qualify it with “This worked for US…”
As for judgment, I try to withhold at all costs.
We’re all just muddling through, trying to do our best.
And some of us are even making our own baby food.
So who has time to judge?
Love. Just love.
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me a mother.
I am even more confident in my choices now. If we made many of the same decisions, maybe my baby will turn out as wonderful as yours have
Twitter: kristinzas
I regret not trying to find a way to make David more involved at night.
Or I regret that I had any expectations that he’d be involved at night.
I’m not sure which but one of those things was wrong. I just don’t know which.
Other than that, me and motherhood are fairly cool.
KLZ recently posted..The REAL What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Yeah, ditto. I think the second one is more accurate.
I think we all go into motherhood with a long lists of “I will” and “I won’t” (s), and very, very, few of us follow those lists! I think your attitude about it is great, because I spent far too long hating myself for not being precisely what I thought I’d be, before my children were born.
Mercurial recently posted..When The Ex Remarries…
exactly! When it comes down to it, a lot of the “I’ll never” turns into “whatever gets me through the day”….motherhood is NO JOKE and I’ve found that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
Great Post! I think it is so important that we, as mothers, realize that the most important thing is being able to make the right choices for OUR families. Its hard not to compare yourself to what other moms out there are doing, but at the end of the day you can’t or you’ll drive yourself nuts!!
Besides, if we all raised our kids the same way, no one would be different and that would be sooo boring!!!
Angie@MamaInsomnia recently posted..10 things to do before your toddler turns 2
Yup…exactly! and I think how I was raised, my mom and dad didn’t know half the things we knew…and I turned out oK!
Twitter: SaidKristin
What a great post. Good for you!
I’ve had – and continue to have – my struggles with motherhood. I’ve done things I said I wouldn’t do, and don’t do other things that I always said I would. I second guess myself. A lot.
But then I look at how happy and well-adjusted and positively thriving my daughter is, and all of that stuff is just gravy. Whatever I may or may not have done “wrong,” I’m clearly doing something right.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..I’m Stockpiling Canned Goods (And So Should You)
I think that because she’s turned out the way she is, in the long run everything you did was right for that time and place and for your child. It’s really easy to get caught up in what you should be doing. I relied a lot on instinct…if it felt really wrong, I didn’t do it. Might be different if we have a second, and it may change as he gets older, too. Confidence breeds confidence, though…making one good choices makes you feel like the rest of your choices aren’t that bad, either.
Twitter: Samkanatzar
Competition in the mom world is seriously the worst! I need to take your advice and be proud of myself and trust myself.
Life As Wife recently posted..Those Eyes Can’t See
Yes you should! What you’re doing is perfect for your family!
This is such a great post! It’ SO important to be confident in your parenting choices and it’s SO hard to do that as a first-time parent. Good for you.
Faith recently posted..I finally figured out how to use my speedlight!
Yes! It’s very hard because there are so many people trying to give you their advice. I was able to just take it all with a grain of salt, knowing what I’m doing is best…it was empowering for sure.
Dude, any time you include a pic of the cutest baby boy on earth, I get so side-tracked from what I’m doing.
Motherhood is hard. So very hard. And for me the first year is excruciatingly painful. Good for you for being so confident about your mama schtuff!
You hit the nail on the head…painful. Very painful….wonderful, too, but the first baby especially , it’s a real eye opener. I was in survival mode for most of it.
Twitter: ByWordsMusings
Look at you all Mama Earth and doing what is right because its right for her … you go girl!
By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Monday’s Muse – World Moms Blog
Thank you! I try….I may not be all earth mama, but I sure am glad I was able to nurse him a year!
Twitter: KimberlyAMuro
Motherhood is hard. The choices you make fit your family and nobody has the right to judge them. Good for you for standing behind it all!
Kimberly recently posted..Without Regret
It’s so hard!!! I never knew how hard it would be. So I’m glad to say that I am at this point with no regrets.
Twitter: corp2domestic
Sounds like you rocked the first year of motherhood! And yes everyone has to do what’s best for their family…amen sista!
Natalie recently posted..A Fun Time Had by All
I might not have “rocked” it, but I did get through it..which is a huge accomplishment!
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
So great! I wish everyone could feel this way. I might do some things differently next time, but that doesn’t mean I have regrets about that first year. Live and learn, right?
So glad you linked this up with us!
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..The Two Thieves
Exactly..and every baby is different too, so I’ve heard
I loved writing this, made me feel so good! So glad you offer this linkup.
Twitter: mytimeasmom
I think all of us need to make the best decisions we can for our family and not do what someone else says we should do.
Jessica recently posted..Grateful Dead Was My Favorite
So true…I think that’s where the real regrets come in..when you do something based on what someone else thinks you should do.
Twitter: suitcasetricks
GOOD FOR YOU! Not a lot of people can say they have no regrets. You’re doing great!
Ali recently posted..WTF Wednesday – The "Is That A Sunburn?" Edition
Thank you…it’s been a long, wonderful, crazy year, but I think I have the hang of it so far
Way to go Amanda!
Best,
Tina
Tina recently posted..Permission Slip
Thank you sweet friend!
Yay! I love that you’re happy with your choices but know they might not be the choices that work for someone else. I wish everyone felt the same way.
And we are so not co-sleepers, but we let our 22 month old come to bed with us when he woke up, sick, in the middle of the night for a few night. I have a feeling he now thinks that’s the routine. Crap.
And? I die over his eyelashes. So cute!
Right? Why do boys have eyelashes like that? I’d kill for long lashes!
I’m not saying we’ll never let him come to bed with us if he’s not feeling good, but part of it is that we all 3 love our own space! we’d have to get a huge bed for us all to fit.
Twitter: bridgetstraub
Good for you. All you can do is your best and at the end of the day you can be pleased with yourself.
Agreed! Thanks for stopping by
Twitter: mycrazybusylife
I love you writing this. Parenting is all about what is finding what works for you, your family & your kids.. Period. If you want to nurse & it works, go for it. If it doesn’t, that’s fine to. At the end of the day, the fact you have a thriving happy kid is what’s important.
Natalie recently posted..Break on Through
I totally agree! It’s not my place to ever judge another’s parenting choices. In fact, I embrace that we’re all different…
I love this. I love your attitude of knowing what’s best for YOUR family and sticking with it. I wish I had trusted my instincts more. I do regret not listening to my heart. Next time (if we have a second child) I’m going to do what I feel and know to be best and not regret a thing!
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Naturally Made and a Giveaway
It’s really hard to do when people all around you are giving advice. I have to say, as much as I wish I had more family around, I’m lucky I didn’t have to worry about in laws or my mother and father giving me unsolicited advice. That makes things a lot easier in some ways!
Twitter: laurenweber84
Amen! This is a great reminder that at the end of the day, a mother knows what’s best for her child.
And I love that BB never slept in bed with you – we were the same way…K has never slept with us and I feel like people think that’s harsh or something, when in reality, it was just what was best for both of us!
Mrs. Weber recently posted..If You Give A Baby A Book…
I swear….even if I wanted to sleep with him, I’m not sure I could have. We have a video monitor and he’s all the time rolling around in his crib. I can’t even imagine how uncomfortable it would be sleeping with that baby in between us!
I like this post. From all I see on your blog and facebook and such it seems like you are an awesome mom who really cares about her kid.
jmje recently posted..30 for 30 update-Part 2
Thank you! Motherhood is so hard but at the end of the day, I just do it all for my little guy.
You sound so confident! Good for you!
Everyone seems to have conflicting parenting advice, so we all have to do what works for us.
Shell recently posted..School Bus VS Mom Taxi
Twitter: jmomiller
I think you’ve done a wonderful job! FOR REAL!
Twitter: AndiRRT
I love this, Amanda. I have never felt as much pressure to measure up as I have as a mom. Not at work, not at school. It seems like every choice one makes comes under fire from someone. Way to stick to your guns! And SOOOOO roud of you for the breastfeeding milestone. Congrats!
Andrea recently posted..What I Have in Common With Michelle Dugger
Love this-
Found you through lovelinks, happy to be a new follower
Elizabeth recently posted..Harry Potter Closure…I’m NOT Ready!
Thank you!! And thanks for visiting..I’ll be over to your place
Twitter: freefringes
Brava, mama. I was cheering you the whole post even though I made different choices except for the TV. WE LOVE THE TEEVEE.
Thanks for linking up with lovelinks!
Erica M recently posted..lovelinks #31 is open
Twitter: euregirlsandboy
This is awesome! It’s so hard to feel this way – especially with the first. I generally try to stay out of everyone else’s parenting decisions and hope they do the same with me.
P.S. That math of adding 20 days is too hard for me (I’m only an accountant)…when is your baby’s birthday? Seems like that makes it just a little before mine.
Katie E recently posted..A Hard Story to Tell
We should all have that much respect for one another! His birthday is Nov. 29. He was due on Thanksgiving and waited 4 days.
When is yours?
Twitter: euregirlsandboy
Mine was due Christmas Eve but we forced him out three days earlier – December 21
Katie E recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Baby Butt
Twitter: gfunkified
I feel like I already commented on this post, but I can’t see it, so I’ll comment now (again?).
I made a lot of those same choices, and I don’t regret them either. I love that you will just say how it was/is for you, and that’s that. It’s nobody else’s place to judge. I just have to remember not to judge sometimes, myself. It’s hard, but if we, as mothers, can accept each other when we are simply doing the best we can, and the best for our families, we’d all be so much better off.
Greta @gfunkified recently posted..Dear Blanket,
Good for you! You should never have to feel mom guilt or regret your decisions. Everyone parents differently, and there is nothing wrong with that. I, for example, never once breastfed, but it worked for my kids. In the end, our kids end up pretty much the same, and it’s a testament to each of us and our ability to grow happy, healthy children.
Laura@Catharsis recently posted..Community Education: Keeping Women in the Kitchen One Song at a Time
How wonderful that you don’t have any regrets! Good for you for making the choices – and being confident in those choices – that are right for you and your family. People certainly do have a lot of opinions. I’m often shocked at what they think is appropriate to say!
I’m so with you. Why do people think it’s OK to tell them what you’re doing wrong? As if you’re not sensitive enough about choices you make? It’s truly nobody’s biz. AT ALL. thanks for stopping by!
Cheers to you girl! You do what works for you and your family and that’s awesome!
Mommy2¢ recently posted..When Buddy’s sick, everyone suffers!
Twitter: chosenchaos
You can’t see but I’m standing up and clapping for you. Bravo! I think I’m most glad, not that you made these wonderful choices for YOUR family, but that you have the confidence to be proud of them. You KNOW they were right for YOU. Love that part.
Jamie recently posted..i want to be on reality tv
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