Tuesday night I was sitting around thinking, “Geez, celebrities need to get pregnant or drunk or divorced this week because I cannot stomach writing another recap consisting solely of Lindsey Lohan and Jessica Simpson.”
Then Wednesday the clouds parted and the sky opened and celebrity rained down upon us. Delicious celebrity gossip, nectar of the Gods.
Today we have a little bit of baby news, a little bit of Lohan news and a little bit of weird and wonderful.
Is there something in the water? Don’t drink it if you don’t wanna get knocked up, friends. I’ve got a whole bunch of baby news for all y’all today.
Kicking it off, let’s talk about DEM BABIES. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon debuted their new(ish) bundles of joy, twins Moroccan and Monroe, or as their are known to their homies, Roc and Roe. The couple have kept their 6-month-old twins out of the spotlight until the exclusive Barbara Walters interview last Friday. You’ll be delighted to know that Roc wore his best pimp suit for the occasion. (I calls em like I sees em.)
In more baby news, Robyn, fourth wife of polygamist Cody Brown of TLC’s Sister Wives, gave birth to her third and Cody’s 17th (thats one plus sixteen) child on Wednesday. The boy, named Solomon, was born at the couple’s Las Vegas home. Mama and baby are doing fine. And the other three mamas are doing fine, too, thanks for asking. It’s a team effort, you know.
The Cowboys team will be growing by one tiny little quarterback (or cheerleader) upon arrival Tony Romo’s baby with new wife Candace Crawford. If you’ll recall, Tony Romo dated Jessica Simpson from 2007 to 2009 until he upgraded to a better blonde lady.
More babies? Why not. Bruce Willis and wife Emma Heming Willis are expecting a baby, which will be his fourth. Willis’ three children from marriage with ex-wife Demi Moore are 23, 20 and 17, so he is probably out of practice with the baby biz. I bet after that first middle-of-the-night cry-fest, he’ll be the one saying, “I’m too old for this………..”
HEY! Anybody want to play another round of “is she or isn’t she? Jessica Simpson Edition“? No? Well it’s my recap and we’re going to. Jessica Simpson was seen out and about in NYC showing off a pretty prominent bump. Later, she tweeted a picture of herself in the bathroom at Bergdorf Goodman’s with her bare feet dangling from the toilet. Bare feet. Listen, Jessica Simpson, barefoot and pregnant might be cute in Texas but not Bergdorf Goodman and additionally, I don’t care if it is Bergdorf Goodman, DON’T TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM. My God. Some people dont’ have a brain in their head.
Which is the perfect transition to…
What’s going on with La Lohans this week? Oh, nuthin’ much. Just posing nude and being arrested for domestic violence. The use.
Yes, it’s true.
TMZ reported this week that Lindsey Lohan will be posing nude for Playboy. You can color everyone (i.e. me) at the Celebrity Roundup surprised — Lindsey Lohan seems more like a Hustler kind of girl, but I digress. Her initial offer from Hef and Co. was $750K, but she refused because she wanted one…MILLION…dollars. The report claims she received an offer less than her request, but she took it anyway. My question is why pay when we can just wait another year and see a sex taped leak? Cause y’all KNOW there is a Lindsey Lohan sex tape out there somewhere.
Then, Michael Lohan, Lindsey’s estranged father, decided he just has had enough of her being the center of attention. After an altercation with on-again-off-again girlfriend Kate Majors, Michael was arrested for domestic abuse. According to reports, Michael lashed out at Majors after she refused to give him oral sex. I can’t even make this up, people.
Michael Lohan tried to allude cops by jumping off his third story Tampa balcony and into a tree, to no avail. Before taken into custody police took him to Tampa General Hospital for observation — where he was frisked in his hospital gown. He remains at the hospital, but will be out on $5000 bond when he’s released.
Weird, sad and wonderful
- Stephen Tyler fell down and hit his face. But he hasn’t’ relapsed, so get that out of your head.
- A petition has been started calling for the White House to investigate Scientology for human trafficking, abuse and fraud. Suri Cruise is not amused.
- Jason Sudeikis was allegedly canoodling with one of the Olsen Twins at an NYC party. Those girls have been around 20 plus years and I still can’t be bothered to tell them apart.
- Amy Winehouse‘s autopsy report was published, which listed her cause of death as “death by misadventure”. She suffered from accidental alcohol poisoning after months of sobriety.
- Maksim Chmerkovskiy lashed out at Derek Hough after he sided with the judges scathing critique of Maks dance with partner Hope Solo on Dancing With the Stars. I SMELL A DANCE OFF!
I can’t, in good conscience, end this Roundup on such a Debbie Downer note, so one last little wonderful tidbit:
- An 8-foot lego man washed up on the shores of Siesta Key Beach, Florida earlier in the week. Spectacular.