A girl who scheduled a web training session at 9 am on a Friday, that’s who.
But I guess a day of web training on a Friday is better than anything else on a Monday, so I shant complain (too much.)
Has it been A. WEEK. of celebrity gossip. Let me tell you how I usually do these round-ups: I collect my favorite stories from my Twitter List of celebrity gossip news sources and I put them in a draft. Then, Thursday night or Friday morning, I open up the draft and get to writing.
Sometimes the draft is empty and I have to head over to Twitter and have you people do my work for me.
Other times, there is so much go to over I’m not sure where to start.
Today is the latter — is it ever.
Today, we’re going to be slumming it.
Because it’s my round-up and I can do what I want, I’ll start with the news I’m least likely to feel bad about snarking on, which is, of course the epic comedy/tragedy that is and always will be Lindsey Lohan.
(Who slums it better than LiLo? Answer: No one.)
Earlier in the week, I caught an article about Lindsey Lohan walking the red carpet with a serious case of meth mouth and I thought to myself, “Oh, here we go, Lindsey’s next court date must be coming up because she’s suddenly in the news.”
And I was right. Wednesday Lindsey Lohan headed to court for probation violation after she reportedly missed counselling sessions and community service appointments. The judge clearly didn’t know she was THE Lindsey Lohan, star of such classics as Herbie and The Parent Trap, and she revoked her probation. She was lead away in handcuffs on $100k bail (which her bail bondsman paid immediately) (HER BAIL BONDSMAN.)
Lindsey was required to report to the LA County Morgue for a new community service appointment (she was previous at the Red Cross), where she will be sweeping up blood, but not handling dead bodies. But maybe she should? Because that might scare her straight? Or something?
At any rate, she sauntered into the morgue 40 minutes late and was turned away. Turned away from the morgue for your community service. Basically? The morgue doesn’t even want you, and they store dead people. Is this your rock bottom, Lindsey? No?
So besides the Meth Mouth earlier in the week, which she apparently had fixed in an “emergency dental intervention” , Lindsey showed up to the courthouse looking like the love child of the Joker and Ronald McDonald, in other words, A HOT MESS.
Next time you’re having a bad day, just remember how you’re not Lindsey Lohan.
Ooohhh, and guess who else was caught out and about looking as if they were slumming it big time? Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lopez! The two were caught in a vehicle together looking like they were doing the “ride of shame” if you know what I mean and I think you do. I have to say, though, Bradley Cooper is an upgrade from Skelator.
Another big shocker this week was Guiliana Rancic announcing her diagnosis of breast cancer. The E! host and her husband, Bill Rancic, were set to start their third round of IVF treatments when, on doctors orders, she had a mammogram that detected the disease. I have nothing funny to say because breast cancer is not funny, but it’s a message to all y’all to please check, no matter how young you are. Her surgery was Wednesday and she is reportedly doing great, and will continue with radiation treatment. I’m wishing her a speedy recovery.
More bits and pieces:
- Kids got a lesson in “love” this week when the Sesame Street YouTube channel was hacked and replaced with porn. “Mommy, what is Big Bird doing to Snuffleupagus?”
- Weed and a gun were found in Soulja Boy‘s briefcase during his arrest Tuesday. Soulja boy tell em….how you had weeding and a gun in your briefcase. That’s some business meeting you’re going to, huh?
- Do y’all follow Kirstie Alley on Twitter? She’s been going nuts about some mysterious European man and their many adventures. Turns out it’s her dance partner, Serge Onik. Who is clearly much younger. Go on with your badass cougar self!
- NYMagazine reported that Jessica Simpson is indeed pregnant, but is waiting for a $500,000 pay day for a big magazine. But they got that information from OK Magazine so……
- Barack Obama hates the Kardashians! He’s just like the rest of us!
- Beyonce is planning a 2,000 sq ft nursery for her little bundle. For those of you keeping score, that’s pretty close to twice the size of my house.
- Speaking of slumming it, Kate Gosslin has stooped to clothing her children in…….Old Navy. The horror! (PS, half my closet is from Old Navy, if that tells you anything about me as a person.)