Things I Learn from Disney

When it’s early in the morning and my baby has decided it’s time to get up, face the day and see what kind of cords he can try to put in his mouth challenges he can overcome, we like to wile away the hours before his morning nap by watching a bit of Disney Junior.

Although the shows  are meant for little ones, I like to stretch my brain muscles and apply the lessons the likes of Jake, Handy Manny and Oso teach the kids into an adult world context. Because you’re never too old to learn from Disney Junior, clearly.

Like, for instance, this morning on Handy Manny, this old lady (sorry, didn’t catch her name in my fog of exhaustion) couldn’t’ figure out why her socks were always missing after she unloaded her dryer. “I’ll never be able to wear matching socks again!” she lamented.

“Hmm,” I thought to myself, ” I have the same problem. This should be interesting, I’ve always wanted to know where my missing socks go.”

TURNS OUT, people, a chihuahua has been jumping into your laundry room and stealing your socks. The answer to your quandary is to install a baby gate in front of your laundry room to keep the chihuahua out. PROBLEM SOLVED.

And then I’m always all, “Captain Hook, you are a jerk, QUIT STEALING TOYS FROM KIDS. For the love…….”

Oh! And yesterday Special Agent Oso taught me how to use a digital camera in three special steps:

  1. Turn on the camera
  2. Aim your camera at whatever you’d like to take a picture of
  3. Push a button to snap the picture

Despite Oso’s best efforts to screw up this mission (as badly as every single one of his training exercises) by turning off the camera, putting his paws all over the lens and almost dropping it because he mistook his own finger for a green caterpillar, the kid he was helping was able to take a pretty sweet picture of his cat.

My favorite is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. MacGyvering lots of random items to solve problems, then dancing like a hot dog when you’re done? Yes please! Somebody get me a Tootles to do all the things that I dont’ want to do around the house. OH TOODLES! Steam clean my floor for me!

One time on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Goofy turned into a baby (what the??) and the rest of the gang spent the next 20 minutes taking care of him before he eventually grew back up into regular sized Goofy. Anyway, Donald was carrying this bottle over to him and that dumbass tripped and spilled the whole bottle.

All I could think was if that was breastmilk, there will be some really angry mama, cause if there is any kind of spilled milk a person can cry over, it’s breastmilk.

I think it’s time for me to watch a few grown-up shows.

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