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Last night, I climbed into my son’s crib.
If the me of today went back in time and met with the me of 2009 and said, “Me of 2009, I threw one, then two legs over the bars of a baby crib and hopped in,” the me of 2009 would say, “This chick has a case of the cray-cray. Please proceed to the nearest rip in the space/time continuum and let me get back to my drinking a glass of wine and relaxing with an episode of the Bachelor.”
The hop into the crib transpired because I’m decidedly less smart than a crib sheet. Add that to the other list of “baby things that confuse me”, which includes onesie snaps and the twist ties attaching new toys to their box.
I noticed the crib sheet needed change. Normally Hub does this because it includes pulling the mattress out of the crib and pulling awkwardly, and I have short arms and legs, so this is a challenge for me. But Hub wasn’t around, so I had to undertake this feat on my own.
I pulled one side of the mattress up and the corner of the sheet off. So far, so good.
I pulled the opposite corner off.
I moved to the right side and pulled the mattress, which popped up easily. “This is going to be a piece of cake.” I said to myself.
I tugged on the right bottom corner of the mattress. It moved an inch and became stuck. I pushed it down and it didn’t budge.
I tried pushing right top side back down so I could get a good grip on the mattress, and it also refused to budge.
So my situation at this point is a crib mattress that’s three-fourths of the way out of the crib with half a sheet, tiny arms incapable of doing anything and a baby whose sleep window is frighteningly close to slamming shut.
Which, of course, means I have no other choice than jump into the crib in order to get a better grip on the mattress.
The behavior of someone clinically insane and the behavior of a mother are embarrassingly similar. An inability to figure out something as simple as sheets on a crib is only one of the ways motherhood changes a person. I mean, one day you’re out to eat with your friends for happy hour, the next you’re discussing with your husband who the most annoying character on Shake It Up is.
But I don’t think I have one story from those childless days that’s quite as good as jumping in a crib.
Speaking of, anyone have a crib sheet to help me figure out crib sheets?
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Crib sheets I can do. Mattress pads are a challenge for me.
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Back to School Traditions Link Up
They are also terrible!
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
Is it wrong I laughed when I imagined you jumping into the crib? Because that would be exactly what I would have done if the same situation had presented itself.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Guest Star: Jessica of Four Plus An Angel
That’s the point….to make y’all laugh! So glad you did. I have to laugh at myself for doing it.
Twitter: corp2domestic
I hate changing crib sheets…they are my archnemesis!
Me too. I’m always like, “ohhhhh HUBBY!” So glad I haven’t had to have a middle of the night changing yet (knock on wood)
Twitter: JameeTMiller
I hated chaning the sheets when Abby was I her crib! I always ended taking the mattress out of the crib in order to put the sheets on right! What a pain! Good to know I wasn’t the only sheet-challenged mom out there!
Same here! Thanks for telling me you’re also crib sheet challenged!
Someone told me early on with Kate to get the jersey knit crib sheets. Not only are they soft, they are SOOOO much easier to get on!
liz recently posted..Introducing: iPhone Photo Phun
Oh, that sounds amazing. I think i need some jersey sheets, actually
Twitter: SaidKristin
OK, here’s what you do: Get thee to BRU (I know… I KNOW) and get their Ultimate Crib Sheet. It’s a lined waterproof sheet that just lays on top of the regular crib sheet and snaps into place around the slats. I used it when Lil’ Bit was a baby, but then stopped because she was a very clean baby and I found I only had to change her crib sheet once a week. But then came the unfortunate Self-Induced Gagging/Blowing Chunks of Egg Vomiting Incident, and I decided to start using the ultimate crib sheet again. And that’s when I realized it’s a lot easier to snap THAT sheet on and off every week for washing than it is to wrestle with the entire mattress. Which, BTW, I have gotten stuck in the very same position that you described. Although I can’t say I climbed into the crib to fix it.
And those twist ties on new toys? GAH!
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..You’re Never Too Young for Product
I like how you’re thinking. So far, mine has been a pretty clean baby as well. He’s only had one spit up in his crib and hasn’t really had any blowouts or leaks (fingers crossed). However, this self-induced egg vom thing is really making me curious and disgusted. I need to find an ultimate crib sheet before this starts to happen.
BRU is advertising the wrong things. Instead of strollers and toys, they need to put the ultimate crib sheet on the front of their weekly flyer. Must you keep secrets like this, BRU?
Thanks for the tip.
I too suffer from the short arms (as I call it T-Rex arms) and short legs syndrome. I hated changing the crib shits. Thank goodness Dave is 6′ tall so I didn’t have to do it. And, I would’ve paid money to see you in the crib!
Jayme (The Random Blogette) recently posted..Rollercoaster…Of Fun…For Some
Next time I’ll ask him to take pictures…although if he’s there, he’ll be doing the sheets. Oh! I’ll take a pic of him changing them…he gets the mattress as stuck as I do.
Twitter: PolPrairieMama
How funny! Don’t worry, you will soon master these acts and do them so quickly people will think you are a spidermonkey.
This is why I switched both kids to toddler beds before they even hit 18 months.
Polish Mama on the Prairie recently posted..Books for Polish American Children: Janina Domanska
I can do my own without much trouble, but it’s that stinkin’ crib that gets me! I guess I should be glad it fits snugly so it’s safe but it sure doesn’t make it easy on mama!
I’m with Liz. The Jersey sheets are much easier to get on and off. That said, next time you end up in the crib, I’m going to need some pics.
Also, WTF is up with the packaging on kids toys? I HATE it.
Angie@Mamainsomnia recently posted..Free FALLin
Maybe I’ll just get in the crib for fun and take pictures
I didn’t really have a problem putting the sheet on once the mattress was in the crib already but it does help to have hubs there to lift one side of the mattress at a time!!
Shelley recently posted..Late Night At The Hospital
Yes! They are not made for people with short arms, that’s for sure. And it’s even harder now that we dropped the crib….he’ll have to change it for sure now!
I haven’t had to deal with crib sheets in almost a decade.
But fitted sheets? They are evidence of the devil right there.
I’m pretty sure the Tenth Circle of Hell is a bunch of demons making you fold fitted sheets into nice, neat squares.
Yeah. I shiver at the thought, too.
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me wedded.
This is EXACTLY why my clean sheets stay in the dryer until they are ready to go back on the bed.
Twitter: HStayingAfloat!
Oh my goodness! You totally have to have Hulk Hogan or Mr T strength to put one of those suckers on! They drive me batty!!!
Hopes@Staying Afloat! recently posted..Saving the WOOO-OLD!
I know, why are they so hard??? I just remembered something else I hate…folding tiny socks…THEY ARE SO LITTLE…so you need to have mr. t strength to put a sheet on, but tiny fingers to fold laundry. I CAN’T HAVE BOTH
Twitter: Sarahjordan
I don’t know anything about crib sheets, but I too can’t decide which kid on Shake It Up is most obnoxious. The redheaded girl, the black girl, the black girl’s brother, the “street smart” guy, the brother and sister with really bad fake accents…I mean, they are all just SO ANNOYING.
Sis recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Goodbye, My Sweet Boy
We agreed that the black girl is most annoying because she overacts, but then the blonde boy with the accent is second most annoying. I personally think the redhead and the younger brother are next most annoying. And among other Disney Channel shows, Selena Gomez and the whole cast of A.N.T. Farm are pretty close.
Twitter: mytimeasmom
My secret to this was to always have my kid sleep in my bed so her sheets didn’t need to be changed. It seemed like a good idea at the time, 2 years later and she is still in bed with me. I think I should have climbed in the crib to change the sheets.
Jessica recently posted..VlogTalk: A Summer of Fun
HA! Good point Jess. Did she move around a lot when she was little..or now? Cause Luke tosses and turns ALL NIGHT and I can’t imagine him being in my bed. And you know, the other side to this is that he’s been in his crib so much that he refuses to even NAP with me in my bed.
Twitter: mytimeasmom
My kid moves around all the time. It’s annoying and one of the reasons I don’t sleep well.
Jessica recently posted..VlogTalk: A Summer of Fun
Twitter: decoybetty
I absolutely LOVED this post. Gettings toys out there box is this most complicated thing EVER – why? WHY are they like that?
Deidre recently posted..I’ve been avoiding writing this
Right? Who is stealing baby toys so much that they need the equivalent of fort knox keeping them in the box? Things to ponder, indeed.
Crap…I did the same freakin’ thing. They are awful. Now, he has a twin bed. It’s still awful.
Best,
Tina
Tina recently posted..Everyday Heroine
I think ALL fitted sheets are the devil, actually. Although when there aren’t bars around a bed,it’s a tad bit easier.
Twitter: bestoffates
I fear my issue would have been snuggling into the mattress and waking to realized I’d just slept in a crib.
Don’t think I didn’t consider it for one hot minute.
Twitter: laurenweber84
Ohmigosh, I completely feel ya on this one. I, too, hate changing the crib sheets. They love making things difficult, huh? I’ve dropped the mattress on myself quite a few times doing this by myself (I do not have T-rex arms). I think God designed them this way just to laugh at us new moms struggling!
Mrs. Weber recently posted..How to Make a Banana Slurp + Blogger Fun in Detroit
As if we don’t’ have enough things to struggle with!
Twitter: NaynaDub
Seriously, crib sheets are the hardest to put on. So hard, I even added “Crib Sheet Putter On-er Extraordinaire” to my resume. We’ll see how far that gets me.
Elena recently posted..PomLemonTini {comments closed}
YOU ARE HIRED. (I pay in hugs.) (And +K.)
oh man – have you found those sheets that are like zippers? someone may have mentioned it already (there’s a crapload of comments, and I’m a busy man) but you only put on the bottom, and zip on the top, so if you ever need to change it, you can just zip zip zip, and you’re all good to go. No crib entry required.
Go here, because I’m not explaining it well.
Bill recently posted..The Northeast Philly Guide to Coked-up Babysitters
The person who invented this is a genius.
tried, unsuccessfully to do an HTML magic trick. here’s the link:
http://www.amazon.com/QuickZip-Crib-Sheet-Set-Blue/dp/B002HGOYG6/ref=pd_sim_ba_2
And here’s me trying to do HTML magic again:
LINK TO AWESOME STUFF
Bill recently posted..The Northeast Philly Guide to Coked-up Babysitters
I LOVE HTML MAGIC! #imanerd
OMG I thought I was the only one who couldn’t change a crib sheet. This is the first time I’ve ever admitted it. I used to layer the crib with six sheets and mattress pads in between and then peel off layers until I hit the mattress and then I’d start over with the crazy tearing apart of the crib.
THANK YOU for saying that….peole do not like to admit when they can’t deal with crib sheets!