Celebrity Round-Up: Beginnings and Ends

I’m celebrating another Friday. Who is ready to celebrate with me? It’s especially great because our web policy meeting was canceled again. I mean, I love web policy as much as the next web person seething with nerd rage, but meetings on Friday at 9 am? Lame.

Celebrity gossip Friday at 9 am? Sign me up!

I pride myself on cherry picking  whatever I happen to catch or someone sends me the very best in celebrity news for the week. Wouldn’t you know, last week almost as soon as I mashed the Publish button, the biggest news of the summer flashed across my Twitter feed: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony split after 7 years of marriage.

If you read the tabloids, the split came after months of arguing, issues of jealousy, infidelity and control. That she wrote about him in her new single. That she’s devastated.

You know what I think? Let’s just put it this way; what’s JLo done recently?

American Idol.

What’s Marc Anthony done lately?

*crickets*

I’m no relationship expert, but seems to me that Mr. Lopez..I mean, Mr. Anthony — might not enjoy that his woman is hogging the spotlight. Huffington Post agrees with me.

Obligatory Celeb Round-up aside: doesn’t Marc Anthony look like Skeletor?

Skeletor

Just a little? In the face?

From that sad ending, we celebrate a few beautiful beginnings. As in, Nick Lachey finally made an honest woman of Vanessa Minnillos in a private ceremony on July 15. Only 35 of their closest friends, and then an additional cool million or so who will watch the TLC special Nick & Vanessa’s Dream Wedding later this year, attended the affair at Richard Branson’s Virgin Island estate.

NICK LACHEY. When will you learn? Is he incapable of having a relationship that’s not on television? Because it worked soOoOoOoO well last time you aired your dirty laundry on cable. Sheesh. This is me virtually slapping you with a rolled up newspaper, Nick Lachey.

In more upcoming wedding news, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries had an engagement party that was nicer than every celebration you will ever have, and that includes your own wedding.

Sister Klohe said of the lavish fete:

“Even with just three days to pull it together, the party turned out fab,” she added. “Kimmie and Kris loved it, which made me so happy!”

But wait! She had help from celebrity party planner Sharon Sachs. I totally could have pulled together my wedding in 3 days if I had help from millions of dollars and a celebrity party planner. Sheesh.

What are the chances Kim Kardashian will be wearing Old Navy to her next shin-dig? (Answer: Not likely.)

For one final “ending” at the “end” of this Round-up (see what I did there? God, I’m the best blogger pretty much ever), Lindsey Lohan’s days of dicking over the legal system are through after a judge told her she needed to take her probation seriously or else.

Or else she continues to drink, do drugs and make lots of money acting?

Or else she lives a life of a spoiled socialite with no responsibilities, per usual?

Actually, the judge told Lindsey she needed to get counseling sessions within 21 days or she will revoke Lindsey’s probation and it will be back in the slammer for her. As if those empty promises ever scare Lindsey Lohan.

Enjoy your weekend, people!

 

 

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