Happy Friday! And not only is it a happy Friday, it’s the happy Friday BEFORE A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. It’s like I died and went to Friday heaven.
Today I’m celebrating the end of another reality TV season, of which I didn’t get to enjoy to the fullest extent. You see, up until about a month ago, my child was going to bed approximately way to late o’clock and leaving me with little to no time to watch hours upon hours of reality show competitions.
There was a day, not long ago, when I lived and breathed American Idol. I couldn’t wait until Tuesday night, when I’d park my tail in front of the TV and allow myself to be taken away by terrible covers of adult contemporary hits and the charm of Ryan Seacrest. I haven’t been into it the past two seasons because it’s not the saaammmeeee ( /whinyvoice) without the original crew.
I’m sort of (extremely) bummed about it this year, though, for one huge reason: the kiss seen ’round the world between winner Scotty McCreery and runner-up Lauren Alaina. Why oh why did I decide to not actively participate in the spectacle of American Idol on a year with all that juiciness? Did they let people know? Was it a thing all season?
The non-answer answer to the “are they or aren’t they?” question makes me think both these kids are destined for a career in public relations if this whole singing thing doesn’t work out (it probably won’t).
I read somewhere that the powers that be wanted Lauren to win because a young male has won the competition several years in a row, to which I say to those people, “good luck, chuck.” Because as long as there are teenage girls with cell phones, a cute, unassuming male will always win. Why? Teenage girls are mean and spiteful and boycrazy — a terribly lethal combination for any young female finalist. They are always going to vote for the boy. And I just wonder how many sweet little hearts were broken after that little peck on the lips. About 122 million, I reckon.
It’s also, sadly, time to hang up our dancing shoes, skin tight pants and sequined bras because the Mirrorball Trophy has been awarded yet again. Pittsburgh Steeler Hines Ward out-danced the competition. He was good, too, but not nearly as fun to look at as Maks. He’s going to put the trophy right next to his MVP trophy. And by “next to”, I’m sure he means next to the room that’s next to the MVP trophy, which happens to also be a closet. And for safe keeping, he’s going to store it securely in a cardboard box.
In Kids These Days news, Abigail Breslin makes $40k per day.
Fourty. Thousand. Dollars. PER DAY.
*GIANT COLLECTIVE SIGH*
Oh! So, did you hear? Unlucky in love Kim Kardashian got hitched! Her basketball player boyfriend, Kris Humphries, popped the question this week with a 20.5 carat diamond engagement ring. Excuse me? Twenty and a half carats? My engagement ring is a half carat and sometimes I’m worried about losing it. A true test of if you have more money than sense is when you feel comfortable enough to go to the Kangaroo station flashing a 20.5 carat diamond. Who am I kidding, Kim Kardashian does not go to a Kangaroo station.
I bet Ryan Seacrest is building a new swimming pool as we speak so he can fill it up with dollar bills he’ll get from producing a new show with Kim and Kris.
Have a happy Memorial Day weekend, friends! See you next week!