Celebrity Weekly Round-up: Roc & Roe, let’s go!

People, we did it! We made it to Friday! Time to kick off the weekend (and yes,I do consider Fridays at work part of the weekend because, let’s be honest here, you’re not working today) with some celebrity stories.

I’m starting it off today with the biggest celebrity news of the week: Mariah Carey finally popped out dem babies. They were 100 lbs, 60 inches long, and were born at 3560 days gestation. Mother is resting comfortably, the daughter is off getting her hair did and the father is shooting hoops in the family’s indoor basketball court.

They were born Saturday and kept the names a mysterious mystery for several days. Picture this: I was out running errands at lunch one day and when I walked in, my friend says to me, “AMANDA. Moroccan and Monroe.” And I’m all, “excuse me? I didn’t have a liquid lunch, did you?” And she’s all, “That’s what Mariah Carey named her kids.”

I’ve been around celebrity crazies for a long time and I’ve heard plethora of bizarro names: Apple, Kal-El, Pilot Inspektor. And I have to say, Mariah Carey’s baby names aren’t as bad some, until you find out her reasoning for them:

- Moroccan Scott’s middle name comes from Nick Cannon’s own middle name, which is also his grandmother’s middle name (sweet and normal)
- Moroccan Scott’s first name comes from the top tier of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s apartment, which has a Moroccan inspired decor and was the site of Nick Cannon’s proposal (also, can we talk about the fact that they have a top tier of their NYC apartment?)  I’m not for certain, but this may also be where they took their nasty nudie pics while she was preggers. Yeeks.

As for the little girl:

- Monroe is named after  Marilyn Monroe, Mariah’s idol and inspiration.
- Monroe ‘s middle name is nothing. She has no middle name because her mother has no middle name. Basically she’s named after her mother.

Nick Cannon already has nicknames for them: Roc and Roe. Stellar.

I wonder if cray cray is hereditary.

Speaking of things you are born with and things you are not, what happened to Bristol Palin’s face?

(That transition was painful. My apologies.)

Yeah, looks like “teen activist” and “dancer” and woman-about-town had her face done.


Oh sweetie. Oh. Sweetie. That’s clearly a chin implant. Wait. Sorry. That’s clearly “a good night’s sleep” and makeup. If a pseudo-celebrity has plastic surgery in the forest and nobody is around to take pictures of her on a red carpet she has no business walking down, does she make a sound? Yes. It’s the sound of her 15 minutes tick, tick, ticking away.

A couple hooligans whose 15 minutes are just starting are up next. I vaguely  remember something happening last week that had It’s Blogworthy all abuzz, but couldn’t quite remember the details. Thank the Lord, then, for US Weekly, who reminded me gently that THE ROYAL WEDDING JUST HAPPENED AND THINGS RELATED KEEP HAPPENING.

Reporters keep relating the royal wedding to a fairytale, and what fairytale is complete without some buffoons who hang around the princess to give us all a good laugh.

Enter Kate Middleton Princess Catherine’s younger brother and sister, James Middleton and Pippa Middleton.

James likes football, travel and taking semi-naked pictures with his hands in his pants.

Pippa likes shopping, champagne and dancing in her bra at parties.

I’m sure Queen Elizabeth is so proud those genes are entering into the pool. Honestly, though, aren’t those two links more entertaining than anything the royals have done in the past 30 years?

Cray cray is hereditary; class is not.

Enjoy the weekend!

What were your favorite stories of the week? Do you want to see less of Bristol Palin and more of the Middletons?

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14 comments to Celebrity Weekly Round-up: Roc & Roe, let’s go!

  • JMJE

    Oh, Roc and Roe. I was so excited to hear the names. But yeah I'm not naming my kid 'living room' because that's where their dad proposed to me. Our old living room didn't really have a decor theme so I'd just have to name it 'living room'.

  • Cheryl

    You have a point since I'm reading blogs when I should have started work 17 minutes ago. Happy weekend! :) I'm all in favor of less Bristol and more anyone other than her. Also, I think the Queen is just jealous that her body isn't rocking enough to dance in her bra, too.

  • tara

    Omg. Bristol's face! They must have sucked like 10 lbs of fat out of it!

  • Jessica

    I think Mariah could have picked worse names for her kids so I guess overall not too bad.

    Bristol definitely had something happen to her. There is no denying that.

  • KLZ

    Cray cray = hereditary. Fo sho.

  • Hutch

    I heard Moroccan was also chosen because it's the room the kids were conceived. Excuse me while I hold back my vomit! In other news I wasn't that shocked by the royal siblings-in-law "scandal." These kids weren't raised as royalty and if FB had truly existed when I was in college I'd never be allowed to marry Hot Harry. Luckily, I still have a chance!

  • MrsJenB

    Roc and Roe. It's…good that those kids will be rich. Because only rich kids can fully get away with stupid names.

    Moving on: Oh, Bristol. It's bad enough your name is Bristol. Again with the name craziness. But the face? Sigh. Way to show girls that it's okay to be yourself, you role model you.

  • Julie

    But…but…but….Moroccan is an adjective.

    It's just…no.

    I get it when people name their kids after a place:

    Paris. Denver. Virginia. Garage.

    So I could stomach MoroccO.

    But MoroccAN is just wrong. And not the kind of so-wrong-it's-right kind of wrong.

    Just. plain. wrong.

    Am I the only one who feels this way?

    (Perhaps more strongly than I should, I'll admit.)

    I fear I am alone.

  • Ms.Wasteland

    I'm surprised she didn't name them Princess Sparkleton Rainbow and Mimilton Nichoriah Glitterboy.

    Less Bristol. That is always the answer.

  • Stephanie in Suburbia

    Ok, so here's my thing about Bristol: is it possible she lost weight? B/c I have to say, my face takes on weight loss like no other. I look super angular when I lose 5 lbs.

    Otherwise, I think Pippa looked kind of busted. Like she has a lot of wrinkles for her age, is it just the tanning.

  • Liz

    Her entire face shaped changed!! How can she think she can pretend she didn't have work done!

    And I wrote this next thing on another blog that was making fun of the baby names….but I would name a kid Polish or Italian or Irish, so what the hell kind of name is Moroccan?!?

  • Shelley

    Awesome post. Bristol did have surgery. It's so obvious and it's stupid for her to deny it. But really, who cares? She isn't really a celebrity is she? That's funny about the Middletons. It reminds me of the movie Princess Diaries and how the grandmother(queen) keeps telling Mya to stay out of the spotlight. Anyway! Cute post.

  • Crazy Shenanigans-JMO

    I seriously just busted out laughing at my desk at work. The Pippa and James links were AWESOME!! hahahahah!

  • [...] you’re screwed. Sorry, kids of singers or musicians.And if you’re curious, Mariah Carey’s Roc and Roe get five apples out of five.For you Office fans out there, Jenna Fischer revealed her baby bump at [...]

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