People, we did it! We made it to Friday! Time to kick off the weekend (and yes,I do consider Fridays at work part of the weekend because, let’s be honest here, you’re not working today) with some celebrity stories.
I’m starting it off today with the biggest celebrity news of the week: Mariah Carey finally popped out dem babies. They were 100 lbs, 60 inches long, and were born at 3560 days gestation. Mother is resting comfortably, the daughter is off getting her hair did and the father is shooting hoops in the family’s indoor basketball court.
They were born Saturday and kept the names a mysterious mystery for several days. Picture this: I was out running errands at lunch one day and when I walked in, my friend says to me, “AMANDA. Moroccan and Monroe.” And I’m all, “excuse me? I didn’t have a liquid lunch, did you?” And she’s all, “That’s what Mariah Carey named her kids.”
I’ve been around celebrity crazies for a long time and I’ve heard plethora of bizarro names: Apple, Kal-El, Pilot Inspektor. And I have to say, Mariah Carey’s baby names aren’t as bad some, until you find out her reasoning for them:
- Moroccan Scott’s middle name comes from Nick Cannon’s own middle name, which is also his grandmother’s middle name (sweet and normal)
- Moroccan Scott’s first name comes from the top tier of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s apartment, which has a Moroccan inspired decor and was the site of Nick Cannon’s proposal (also, can we talk about the fact that they have a top tier of their NYC apartment?) I’m not for certain, but this may also be where they took their nasty nudie pics while she was preggers. Yeeks.
As for the little girl:
- Monroe is named after Marilyn Monroe, Mariah’s idol and inspiration.
- Monroe ‘s middle name is nothing. She has no middle name because her mother has no middle name. Basically she’s named after her mother.
Nick Cannon already has nicknames for them: Roc and Roe. Stellar.
I wonder if cray cray is hereditary.
Speaking of things you are born with and things you are not, what happened to Bristol Palin’s face?
(That transition was painful. My apologies.)
Yeah, looks like “teen activist” and “dancer” and woman-about-town had her face done.
Oh sweetie. Oh. Sweetie. That’s clearly a chin implant. Wait. Sorry. That’s clearly “a good night’s sleep” and makeup. If a pseudo-celebrity has plastic surgery in the forest and nobody is around to take pictures of her on a red carpet she has no business walking down, does she make a sound? Yes. It’s the sound of her 15 minutes tick, tick, ticking away.
A couple hooligans whose 15 minutes are just starting are up next. I vaguely remember something happening last week that had It’s Blogworthy all abuzz, but couldn’t quite remember the details. Thank the Lord, then, for US Weekly, who reminded me gently that THE ROYAL WEDDING JUST HAPPENED AND THINGS RELATED KEEP HAPPENING.
Reporters keep relating the royal wedding to a fairytale, and what fairytale is complete without some buffoons who hang around the princess to give us all a good laugh.
Kate Middleton Princess Catherine’s younger brother and sister, James Middleton and Pippa Middleton.
James likes football, travel and taking semi-naked pictures with his hands in his pants.
Pippa likes shopping, champagne and dancing in her bra at parties.
I’m sure Queen Elizabeth is so proud those genes are entering into the pool. Honestly, though, aren’t those two links more entertaining than anything the royals have done in the past 30 years?
Cray cray is hereditary; class is not.
Enjoy the weekend!
What were your favorite stories of the week? Do you want to see less of Bristol Palin and more of the Middletons?