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Remember last summer when I wrote about the Bachelorette like it was my job, even when I made up an episode recap that was published while I was on my cruise?
Ah, the good ol days.
I was so super excited that it was Bachelor time again. I mean, I have always loved to hate that show. I am a recent convert and started about the time I started my current job, exactly three years ago. My friends there watched it, so I thought I would too.
1. Bachelor Brad is brain dead. I am pretty sure there is nothing going on behind those eyes.
2. The girls are too boring. There’s only one psycho one, and while she’s RULL psycho, it’s not enough to hold my interest. I need to get behind one of them (that’s what he said), but they all sort of suck.
3. Speaking of the girls? Too skinny. One girl is a food writer and I could see her ribs when she was wearing her bikini. What kind of food are you writing about, sisterfriend? In that scene they were jumping off rocks in Anguilla into the crystal clear water (TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY UNFAIR ALERT). The rocks were all, is she also a rock? Because she’s so pointy and sharp. Me and my 10 pounds of baby weight aren’t in any kind of mood to see skinny girls complain about how fat they look in bathing suits, thankyouverymuch.
4. I have a baby. Unfortunately, a baby doesn’t care if it’s time to eat right when Brad is giving out his last rose. Luke is all, “This is fun and all, but it’s time to munch on a boob, so let’s get to gettin’ woman.” And I’m like, *sigh* Ok.
And besides, the show is two freaking hours long. ABC, we know what happens: date, drinking, tears, repeat. Throw in a rose. Say “this journey” 14 times. Say “in this for the right reason” another eight. Kissing with and without tongue.
Actually, this could be two separate reasons, but I have one more.
5. It’s not like I don’t believe in second chances, but you’re telling me that of all the eligible Bachelors in the United States — millions of good looking men between the ages of 25 and 35 — Brad Womack is the ONLY one suitable for this show. Brad, who already had a chance and squandered it by choosing himself.
Listen, it’s not like Brad was hit with the ugly stick too very hard, but he’s a couple cents short of a dollar. His conversations with the girls are awkward at best, and his voiceovers are stilted and weird. The last episode I watched, the was making out on the beach with the psycho girl while two other girls watched in horror. I’m talking, like, grope city USA, population THOSE GUYS. And then in the voiceover he says, “Whoo boy. I really messed up this date big time.” Firstly, yes, yes you did. Secondly, “whoo boy”? Are you a farmhand from Missouri? Are you a 5 year old boy? I’d like to know how he justifies saying “whoo boy”.
And then there’s his dependency on his therapist, whom he calls on the daily. It’s just bizarro.
My faithful Bachelor/Bachelorette reading followers, I’m sorry I’ve let you down. Maybe next season I’ll be more entertained.
Are you watching the Bachelor? Do you miss my recaps? Clicky here to see all my Bachelorette posts from last year.
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Seriously never got into all things Bachelor (GASP-The HORROR!), but seeing the pic–hmmmmm. The chick on the far right of Brad:I seriously want to bring her to my house and feed her.Is she the bony one of which you're speaking? And the chick on his immediate left? Well, she looks about 2 months out from a c-section in that purple dress she's wearing. (I can say that because I'm a fatty and can relate!) W…T….F.
Yeah you have let me down. Now I totally don't know what's going on on the Bachelor since I don't actually watch that show. I even had to go as far as reading some recap on people.com that I think Brad writes himself. It wasn't funny at all. But yeah seriously I can't really handle two hour shows. That's why I had to quit watching The Biggest Loser.
I've watched a few shows, but I agree this guy is as dumb as a box of rocks! And what do those girls see in him?? I do miss your recaps. I was always laughing like crazy reading them.
Meh, I tried watching this season and I just couldn't get into it myself. Plus, I was recording too many other shows on my DVR and they all trumped The Bachelor. Plus, a lot of those bitches were too whiny!
Finally, someone else said it! Brad has nothing going on in that head of his. I think someone types his sentences on a computer and it just comes out of his mouth. I really like 2 of the girls but that's about it. I'm hoping that if one of them doesn't win his heart in the end that they'll get the next bachelorette spot.
Whoo boy!! I don't even think he's cute-he's got beady eyes probably to hide the vast area of nothingness behind them. He also says "ok" too much. And he's 38!! None of the gels left are over 30. I'm on a plane so I can't be very clever-air pressure and all that. That's girls-not gels-but we should call them gels henceforth poste haste
I was a bachelor fan the first one or two seasons. I also watched the Jen Schefft season of the Bachelorette. Then it got to boring and too "our journey" for me, so I stopped watching. I switched to Rock of Love…because those chicks are all drama, all the time.
Anyway, yesterday I read a story in Us Weekly about Brad. His ex said he's been begging her to marry him while he's been doing this season. She also said he did this season for the money. I mean, it's coming from a jilted ex so you have to wonder whether it's totally true. But it would definitely explain why he's so apathetic about the whole thing.
I really really miss your recaps! This season is terrible, but of course i'm addicted!
I have to admit, I totally miss your thoughts the Bachelor. I am watching it, horrible as it may be. He's totally not my favorite, but he's from Austin. Which i have NO IDEA why that has anything to do with anything, but that's my excuse for watching it.
The girls are SO FREAKING ANNOYING this year though. Ugh. Every show, there are at least 3-4 of them crying. It's ridic. But I still watch it. Yay me.
And he's still a douchebag! That's my reason #6. I'm sure you've read what I've read. I still watch though, mainly to see if he's still engaged at ATFR. The girl who goes home next week is actually the most normal of them all and if he was really thinking long term with his head (which as you've stated is actually empty) he would have chosen her. Instead he's in it for the boobs. Which will end up being as fake as his relationship.
Wow, didn't realize I had that rant in me! Thanks for letting me use your comment space to vent
I don't watch The Bachelor but I do miss your recaps. They were better than the show.
There's a therapist in the mix?
I think it's perfect that Luke wants to "munch on a boob" in the middle of The Bachelor. For some reason, it makes a lot of sense.
No, no, he is not that pretty.
These shows make me irrationally angry. Especially since the baby weight, I feel ya there!
Conclusion: he's a gay robot in a relationship with his therapist
I don't watch the Bachelor. But, I just realized he kinds looks like he could be Brett Favre's younger brother.
Hey but wait, this week he said "I think alot" or something like that. Does that count?
Totally sucked in. But I'm betting if "America's Next Top Model" newest season was on right now, I'd be skipping.
I'm fickle like that. Kind of like Brad.
Question – Which of the jilted is going to be the new Bachlorette? I'm pulling for funeral director Chico chick. She needs to marry someone from Australia and get the heck away from that Dad. Pressure much?
See? Sucked. In.
OK, totally laughing, just checked my DVR – "America's Next Top Model" premiered last night. Way to advertise, CW.
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