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Hi.
Hello.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you.
Oh. You hate Valentine’s Day, you say. It drives you into a deep, powerful depression? Is it because you’re lonely? Hate crowds? Allergic to roses?
Well, I”m here to tell you, on this beautiful holiday (with promotional considerations from Hallmark, Russell Stover and the Olive Garden)(because isn’t that where people go for romantic dates?)(I need to get out more), that it’s closing time for your pity party — you don’t have to go home, but you CAN’T STAY HERE FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
Feel sorry for Charlie Sheen instead.
Sure, you might not have a boyfriend, girlfriend or husband. Or maybe you’re the only person in your office who didn’t recieve $50 roses delivered straight to your cubicle. But it could be worse.
You could have recently been rushed to the hospital after smoking and snorting a briefcase full of coke while partying in the room in your mansion dubbed the “Porn Room” with — surprise, surprise — porn stars. Then you could have been released from the hospital into “in-home rehab”, which I’m sorry, sounds pretend.
And the porn stars look down and pity you.
And you could have just finalized your third divorce in 15 years.
And the only real success you’ve had since the 80s, a TV show that’s inexplicably popular, could be cancelled because you can’t get your crap together.
And when somebody Googles you, these searches could come up:
In 0.12 seconds, Google could pull up a search presuming you’re dead. And on any given day, that could be 60% true.
So this year, don’t get sad face about this wonderful day, this tribute to true love. Call someone and tell them you love them, then embrace the fact that you aren’t Charlie Sheen.
There’s always a table open at the Olive Garden.
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Bahaha! This was an amazing and hilarious post! Loved it! Happy vday!
HAHAHA, This post cracks me up! Where can I buy a 24-pack of those Charlie Sheen Valentine's to hand out to my coworkers?!
Darlin'…this could be THE. BEST. Valentine's Day post EVER. Your sense of perspective is startling and I'm so glad you were willing to share. I cannot imagine a single person who can read that and still manage to have any sort of pity party for themselves. Personally, I feel like the perfect specimen of human after reading that. So, thank you because usually I just feel average. BUT not today.
This post cracks. me. up.
Thanks for making me smile! And for stopping by my place in the blog world.
its been awhile since I've been to your place…I had forgotten just how awesome you were! kidding I didn't forget!
This was hilarious…poor Charlie
You know…I've never really thought about it like this before. I think this could work for anything really. Bad day at work…could be worse…you could be Charlie Sheen! Gained some weight…at least you aren't pitied by porn stars and hookers!
I love it!
Thank you for the unique perspective. It's going to be my new mantra!
I'm not one who cares one way or the other about v-day regardless of my "status," but this. This right here elicited more emotion than any post I've read so far. The emotion of hilarity. If that's not actually an emotion, I'm making it one today. So, thank you.
This? Is awesome! And way to put a positive spin on V-Day!
Ugh Charlie Sheen. I totally just typed that in to google to see if those were the real results. That's just sad. Also 2 and half men sucks. It doesn't even deserve to be on in the same comedy block as HIMYM.
Now I feel all warm and fuzzy about this horrible day. Thank you, Amanda and Charlie!
Yes. Welcome, Sweet Perspective. Welcome. Well said.
How freaking hilarious!
in-home rehab has GOT to be pretend. Right? Right?
You're too cute. I <3 U
In home rehab is totally pretend.
And this? Is totally true. Pretty much nobody has it bad when they compare their life to that.
Such a shame that Charlie Sheen…
You just made me like Valentine's Day a little bit more! I do feel sorry for him in a way though…
But he's cushioned by all his money when he falls, so it's hard to REALLY use him as the poster dude for bad romance.
Hahaha! This posts made me seriously laugh out loud! Love it!
Thank you for this! I needed a good laugh today. Poor Charlie Sheen. All of the money, hookers, porn stars and drugs just couldn't buy him happiness!
I thought I had a pretty bad day yesterday, but reading this and looking back on it, everything in my life is actually just fine. Thank you for putting things into perspective for me.
Love it! I too am thankful that I am not Charlie Sheen
This is hysterical! I LOVE it! Poor Charlie Sheen….
(P.S. I like the new layout! (: It's really pretty.)
LMAO! Poor Charlie!
And I heard him say on the news yesterday that if you can handle cocain socially it's okay but he couldn't !! Handle it socially!? It's okay to handle an illegal drug as long as it is socially? This guy is out of control and I am so glad that I am not him!!
Laurie
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