Trips to the doctor just get better and better

How was your day?

No, I want to know. Tell me. I’m all ears. *props head on hands, blinks lovingly*

I’m just asking because mine sucked.

Let me weave you a tale about how your bodily functions basically go haywire during pregnancy.

It started off with my regular OB appointment. NBD. Just head on in, pee in a cup, have my stomach measured and then listen to my little guy’s heartbeat. Oh, and get my blood pressure read. Twice. And it was high. Twice.

So then my doctor is all, (in her sweetest southern voice), “Well when it’s that high twice in a row, we need to send you to labor and delivery for monitoring.” *too bad for you shrug* and I’m all, “Say what? Like right now?” and she’s all, “yes, I’ll call them and let them know you’re on the way!” *smiley face*

Well good. Great. I’m so excited for this, because last time you sent me to labor and delivery for “high blood pressure”, it was such a great use of my time. I got to lay in an uncomfortable bed with my work clothes on and drink “free” apple juice, only to be told an hour later that nothing is wrong and I should go home. Really glad I get that experience again.

Then I walk up to the desk and who knows where on God’s green earth they got this woman working the check-out because she was the LEAST appropriate person to be checking out hormonal pregnant women. Our conversation  went AS SO:

Dumb lady: Can I help you?
Me: Just checking out. [I hand her my check-out paper.]
Dumb lady: [looks at the paper][looks at me][blinks][looks at paper] Do you owe us any money?
Me: I haven’t owed any the last four weeks, so I’d say I’m paid up from my monthly payments.
Dumb lady: [looks at me][blinks] What kind of insurance do you have?
Me: The insurance that’s listed on my paperwork right in front of you. That I’ve had for 9 months now.
Dumb lady: [sighs][types][looks at paper] Oh… have BASIC insurance? Not preferred?
Me: Yes, we’ve had this conversation before.
Dumb lady: But you switched over to preferred for January, right?
Me: No, and why would that matter? I’m not going to be pregnant in January.
Dumb lady: [stares at me]
Me: Listen, can you just tell me if I owe any money so I can get out of here?
Dumb lady: [looks at computer][looks at me] I’m not sure if you owe any money or not.
Me: Can you check, please.
Dumb lady: Well you might owe money, but my record here says you have a credit of $20 and a balance of 55 cents.
Me: That’s not helpful.
Hubby: Please sit down and let me take over.

And by this time my high blood pressure is even higher because somebody forgot her Starbucks  McDonalds Kangaroo coffee this morning as well as her brain and can’t figure out her own system.

Oh and then? She had forgotten to schedule my very last appointment and now my doctor doesn’t have any slots open. ISN’T THAT THE BEE’S KNEES?

Then in L&D I get another “nap” in the triage room, some more apple juice and 2 hours with a contraction monitor and blood pressure cuff strapped by my body. GOOD! And then the nurse says, “Well your blood pressure wasn’t that high. I’m not sure why they sent you over here.” So that somebody, probably the dumb front desk lady, could bill my insurance and then somebody else can count all that beautiful green money coming in. GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

And after all that, I wasn’t even able to take the rest of the day off because it’s only 10:30 am.

But then I got some free sandwiches and pasta salad, and later tonight we’re getting free ice cream.

So all in all, today is a draw.

Do free things really taste better? Do doctors offices make you feel like a crazy person? Are you tired of all these pregnancy blogs (I promise I wont’ turn into a Mommy Blogger.)
BONUS QUESTION: When do you think Baby Blogworthy will be born?

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24 comments to Trips to the doctor just get better and better

  • Kara Hoag

    The lady at the desk sounds like an idiot! And free food always tastes better. That's why people will eat something they don't even really like if it's free.

  • Hutch

    My entire family works in the health care industry. I'm not just talking parents…I'm talking aunts. uncles. cousins. 2nd cousins. Grandparents. I still hate the dr's office!

    That woman sounds ridiculously stupid and probably belongs at DMV. I'm glad you get some free stuff at the end of all of it though!

  • mariahsmile

    My guess is that baby blogworthy will be born on November 23!

  • Crazy Shenanigans-JMO

    Oh my! I would have b*tch slapped that woman!

  • The Only Girl

    Free food? It's my favourite kind! I'm betting on November 22. Because then his bday will be 11/22. And that's kinda cool. Hang in there – it won't be long now!

  • Sarah P

    Oh, God. I had to do that EVERY WEEK for three months, and I had to drive from the doc's office to the hospital.

    TOTAL BULLSHIT. Feel your pain.

  • Stephanie in Suburbia

    Ugh, the blood pressure. Why don't they get that preggo chicks are just freaking angsty????

    I ended up getting induced b/c my blood pressure was high twice on my last OB appointment. As they are giving me the pitocin, the nurse looks at me and goes "Jeez, that's not high at all! I wonder why they thought you should get induced."

    Yup, just what I want to hear.

  • Lisa

    1) Free stuff always tastes better. ALWAYS.

    2) Dr's offices make me twitchy.

    3) Not tired of them at all, I need to know what I'll be getting into in the relatively near future (as in, sometime in the next 5 years)

    4) I vote the day before Thanksgiving. I mean, you hyped up the turkey something fierce! What baby would miss that?

  • JMJE

    I hate going to the doctor. That just does not sound fun. Hope your baby is born soon.

  • The Random Blogette

    Seriously, what is it with the receptionists and assistants at doctors' offices. I have yet to find a decent one. I know that they work with a-holes a lot of times but that doesn't give them a right to be total a-holes to everyone. I had a horrendous time when I was pregnant with Peanut. I was in and out of the hospital with random spotting and I swear I was always at the OB, especially the last 2 months where I had to have an ultrasound once a week.
    And don't even get me started about the bills! I would always ask if I owed anything since I lost my insurance when I lost my job when I was about 5 months along and so we were down to one insurance and they kept telling me that insurance was going to take care of it. Yeah..not so much. Whoa..sorry for the venting!

    And the baby will be born the day after Thanksgiving. I am going to stick to that. So what do I win? LOL!

  • Sarah Mac

    Free food always tastes better! Like at work when they give us free breakfast and I'm not into breakfast, but I'm like "sure I'll take this free bagel, and I'll get this free muffin for later."

    You so should have gone Demi Lovato on that lady!

    I think Baby Blogworthy will come when he is supposed to- on the 25th- so that his Auntie and Uncle can drive down and see him!!

  • KLZ

    Why do people INSIST on screwing with pregnant women?

    Seriously, it's not us, it's them.

  • My Husband's Watching TV...

    Sucky! I think he'll be born after your Thanksgiving meal. Once he tastes turkey and realizes how delicious it is, he'll want to come out and see it in person.

  • SurferWife

    Look at Banano Blogworthy just trying to get some free apple juice. Getting you all hyped up was his ulterior motive.

    You said the word triage and I had flashbacks of when Jason was born and I was shoved like an oversized cattle into triage because they didn't have any rooms available.

    They were super racist against me because I was young.

    I think I would like for you to read my birth story on Jason so you are properly freaked out before giving birth.

  • Liz

    you need to have a serious poll, and start it NOW because that kid may come tomorrow.

    what's your due date again?

  • foxy

    OMG. I can't believe you had to go BACK. Especially since they told you last time that you wouldn't have to!? What the hell is wrong with people? It couldn't be everything that pregnant women deal with that makes your blood pressure high… OH NO! That whole situation would seriously irritate me… and make my blood pressure EVEN HIGHER. Ugh.

    But free food does always make everything better, so yay for that.


    I'm the worst pregnancy due date guesser on the planet. Even though I'm knocked up 'til next Tuesday myself. But I'm going to say Thanksgiving because you'll eat so much food that Mr. Man will be like "Yeah, peace out. Enjoy your meal. There's only room for one of us, yo."

    As far as doctors go, I'd say that rates a 4/100 for bedside manner. As if the third trimester isn't miserable enough… I have to do NSTs twice a week and I don't even have high blood pressure, it's mostly to monitor the babies' heart rates. And yes, it's uncomfortable as HELL. Especially when the babies take TWO HOURS to cooperate. I feel your pain! Hopefully you won't have to go through that again.

    FREE food!? How'd you do that!?

  • Stephanie

    Free food is the best…but apple juice totally isn't worth all that!!

  • Chicken

    Pregnancy has turned me into a raging bitch. That is all I know. I don't think that receptionist would've escaped with her life had that been me.

  • gopopgo

    Yes. No, but I do feel like a hypochondriac. No – I love reading preggo and mommy blogs.

    Baby B will be born 12/1. Sorry. I'm sure you wish the baby would be born right now. :-P

  • The Empress

    but I want you to turn into a mommy blogger, please?

  • Sarah With Scissors

    1) Free things TOTALLY taste better
    2) I am ready to lose my mind at the thought of even going near the doctor's office. Although I do get caught up on my gossip from 12 years ago (how could I live without knowing who People's sexiest man alive was from 1998).
    3) Although I am not nor have I ever been pregnant, I appreciate your preggers posts because they are not all sugar coated with the glory of new life… I realize there is glory of new life, but women I wanna know the dirt… I gotta be ready when this happens to me because as independent as I am, I don't think it's gonna be sugar and roses for me… a small fetus hijacking your body and horomones for 9 months… NOT COOL!
    Bonus question: Already gave you my guess, I'm sticking with 21 Nov.

  • Elizabeth Flora Ross

    Careful! I swore I would never be a Mommy Blogger, either. LOL

  • Siobhan

    All I'll say is that YES doctors offices AND hospitals make me feel INSANE like i literally am a crazy person lol

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