My biggest fear has 6 legs

When I was younger, my biggest fear was failure.

I was always worried that I wouldn’t be good enough, that I’d be broke, or fired, or dumped. All that equaled failure to me, and it was terrifying.

Then I got dumped. Then I graduated from college, and then graduated from college again with my Masters degree. Then I got married. Then I got laid off. So, once you’ve experienced a good amount of both successes and failures and realize that it’s not the end of the world when you do fail and that you CAN succeed, it’s time to get a new biggest fear.

Around that time we moved to Florida, and a terrifying new world opened to me: a world with lots of legs, antennae and pre-historic looking exoskeletons.

The world of roaches.

Now, nothing in this world frightens me as much as cockroaches. Lizards? Love em. Mice? I mean, not my favorite but whatever. Snakes? Please stay away, but I am only mildly scared.

When I see a cockroach, I scream like I’m being stabbed with a butter knife, and it’s not just one scream, it’s a long, drawn out, “there-is-a-serial-killing-clown-in-our-garage-please-someone-help” scream. I run and slam doors. I refuse to step foot in our garage where they love to chill near the trash can. Sometimes I scream at the thought of them being there. If they are in the house FOR-GET it. I will have a panic attack on your ass, TRUST ME.

Back in WV it seems like we had an ant problem every spring, and as much as they grossed me out, I always sort of felt sorry for them. They were just harmless babies of the insect world, trying to find a delicious meal of cereal or rice to take back to their queen. And good on them for picking up that giant piece of cat food that’s 14 billion times their size and carrying it all the way back to their nest.

But cockroaches? To me, cockroaches are a sign of dirty-ness and living in squalor. Cockroaches are scavengers and harbingers of disease.

And they are also apparently all around and COMPLETELY NORMAL. One of my co-workers has them in her mailbox, so when she opens it they scatter and then she reaches in and gets her mail. OVER MY DEAD BODY would I EVER get the mail again. I’d be all, credit card companies, sorry, but you’re just going to have to wait for my payment because the cockroaches are currently holding my mail hostage with their tiny little feet and 18 kneecaps. Sick.

Apparently there is nothing you can do — they are just a part of life down there in the dirty South (is THAT why it’s called the dirty South??). I was talking about (what I believe to be) our cockroach infestation and what we were planning on doing to about it and my work friend said, “well good luck with that. Nothing helps. They’ll leave in the winter.”

O.M.G.

Here is a chart to express my hatred of cockroaches:

TRUE STORY ALERT: This weekend I was home alone, right? And so I was getting ready to shower before bed, took my contacts out, turned the water on and noticed  A GIANT COCKROACH on the wall above the shower. I called my husband and was sobbing about this darn cockroach because what am I supposed to do? It’s my biggest fear COME TO LIFE and staring me in the face. I asked him to come home from his conference, but when he told he he couldn’t do that, I had him walk me step by step through the process of killing the cockroach dead. It included multiple steps, starting with “throw a magazine at it” and “hit it with a shoe”.

Then after I killed it, I put on my glasses and discovered it was actually a beetle.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN A COCKROACH, you guys. You have to be diligent about those nasty things.

According to British researchers at the University of Nottingham’s School of Veterinary Medicine and Science, cockroaches could be the key to fending off harmful, drug-resistant bacteria (DO NOT CLICK ON THIS IF YOU ARE TERRIFIED OF COCKROACHES OR GROSSED OUT BY BUGS).

I’m sorry, but e coli is one billion and a half times better than cockroaches.

What is your biggest fear? Do you hate insects? What do you think is worse than cockroaches?

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31 comments to My biggest fear has 6 legs

  • Sarah Mac

    Worse than cockroaches are those nasty million-legged cave spider things that always come into my house. I had one in my bedroom once and ran screaming through the bedroom throwing everthing I could on the bug…like a container of kitty litter, a bag of kibble, a box of tissues…all while screaming "die! die! die!" Cat thought I had lost it. Then I wouldn't go back into the bedroom until Goog got home at midnight. Barf!

  • Lucia

    Worse then roaches, lice or bedbugs to me! Getting the C word and or losing my job…I have CAR PAYMENTS!

  • Kim

    My mother has the same visceral reaction to cockroaches as you. We lived in Texas (where the roaches grow as big as a baby fist) and she would emit the most ear-piercing scream of death upon encountering one. As her children, we thought this was enormously funny and would often trap the critters somewhere in the house and lay in wait for her to discover them.

    I'm actually shocked she still keeps in contact with any of us. We were terrible little things.

  • Hutch

    I can't say I've had a lot of encounters with cockroaches. In NYC our apt had a mice problem, but not the bugs that could survive nuclear attack. I certainly don't think I'd be able to kill one.

    My issue is definitely the big ass spiders. I'm amazed now at the little ones that used to knock me out with fear and nausea!

  • Cecelia Winesap

    It has always been my firm belief that cockroaches are worse than anything. I would rather see a spider or a tick than a cockroach.

  • Salt

    I do hate insects with a passion, but I think crickets scare me more than cockroaches ever could. Mostly because they are wily and unpredictable and you never really know which direction they could go in next. Although I would have had a heart attack if there was even something remotely resembling a cockroach in my apartment when my husband wasn't home.

  • foxy

    Okay, I hate cockroaches, yes, BUT I hate ants more. I know, the babies of the insects, but still… it's never just one, it's always a small ARMY of them. And bees and wasps? Make me scream like a little girl. One time, TRUE STORY, I had to leave my house because there was a wasp inside and I was too scared to kill it. I went over to a friend's house until J got home and killed it.

  • Rumple

    Hi, I found your blog courtesy of Daydream Believer. I'm with you on the cockroaches, but spiders are worse for me. No matter their size, they are all huge.
    But I did have a horrible cockroach situation. I was washing my hair and felt something "crawling" on my head. Yea it was a cockroach. I about had a heart attack right then and there!

  • Snuggle Wasteland

    If I saw a cockroach in my house we would be moving. I HATE them. We had them at my elementary school. It was DISGUSTING.

  • My Husband's Watching TV...

    I hate anything that's creepy and crawly-ew ew ew!

  • Brooke

    Any bug that feels the need to come into my home is an enemy of mine. They had better watch out because I will pull out the can of RAID at the first sign of bug life in my house.

  • KLZ

    Snakes, lady. Snakes are worse than cockroaches. Not by much but their evil eyes and freaky legless bodies trump.

  • Kerr

    I HATE THEM! I am the same way as you, scared to death! Here they call them "palmetto bugs" which is a nice way of saying GIANT cockroaches that CAN FLY! they are what nightmares are made of.

  • The Blogging Goddess

    Living in the south as well, we get them big…like everything in Texas…and they friggin fly. And, I can't stand them. I buy the raid that shoots up to 25 feet, then drown them…then sweep them into a dust pan…while standing as far back as I can…then holding the dustpan at arms length, go to the door and throw them outside, dead. I won't even flush them, just in case they come to life and crawl out of the toilet while I am sitting on it.

  • Canadianbloggergirl

    For us, its earwigs! We moved into our current house a little over three years ago. I was 4.5 months pregnant and we saw them all over our basement. Some how they managed their way upstairs. One night while sleeping, we found one in our bed!!!! Not just in the sheets but crawling up my husbands chest!!!
    The next day we called "housing (military)" and they sprayed the house. There were so many, they couldnt' believe it. We've only found a couple annual ones a year since.

    CBG
    canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com
    ps.
    http://canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com/2010/10/celebration.html

  • Crazy Shenanigans

    I don't know what they're called but every winter they always try to come into my basement and they freak me out. It's like a bug/spider body but they jump and they are about the size of a nickel.

  • Lisa

    They sure are everywhere down here! And the further south you go, the bigger they get! My most feared bug is the spider, but I'm not a huge roach fan. They get a pass because we had a heartfelt interaction when I went to college and came to an agreement. Picture this:
    1st day there, starting band camp (no, there were no American Pie-esque antics). Get back to my room and I'm so sleepy I can barely stand up. And there he is-on my tv screen. I say "What are you doing here-I haven't even opened food in this room yet? Please go home.", roll over and sleep. Never saw another roach in my dorm room. For reals, I guess you just have to ask them nicely to leave!

  • Brooke

    Ugh snakes! Snakes are my biggest fear, but I have this sick need to look at them if I know they're there. Like when my husband did a plumbing job at my coworker's house and I knew she had a python… had to look, and then scream as if it had surprised me. I'm pretty sure if I ever saw one in the wild, I'd have a heart attack and die, right there.

  • Health4less

    I understand! I'm the same way, only with FROGS! Deathly afraid of frogs…like, major panic attack if I get within seeing distance of one!

  • Sarah P

    Right now, bedbugs and scabies are making their way around our area.

    I'm terrified of bedbugs. Mostly because I sat through a lengthy lecture on how hard they are to get rid of.

  • Logical Libby

    I don't mind bugs. However, cockroaches are not bugs, they are carriers of evil. Just like Snooki. Oh, and she carries VD, too.

  • JMJE

    I really do not like bugs of any kind. So I usually try to get my husband to take care of them for me. However, he is deathly afraid of spiders so I have had to take down a spider several times for him.

  • Liz

    i wouldn't be getting my mail either if that was happening.

    only you could work in a jersey shore reference with such ease.

  • Stephanie in Suburbia

    When I lived in Arizona, they would crawl out of the sinks while I was brushing my teeth. HORRIFYING!

  • Grimmgirl

    Tapeworms — anything wormy that can be inside you. Argh!

  • The Random Blogette

    I hate cockroaches. When I was little we group up in the ghetto (for realz) and we had a serious roach problem. Along with those nasty buggers we also had issues with those Box Elder bugs that kinda look like ladybugs but definitely are not. Our last year in the ghetto we had a serious roach infestation and the back of our house was covered in Box Elder bugs. We couldn't get out of that house any faster!

  • Deidra

    Sorry to tell you this, but supposedly cockroaches can live through just about anything. So not only is your worst fear terrifying and evil, but also practically invincible. Good luck!

  • V

    I cant follow your blog. I'll have to do it MANUALLY lol!
    Off that topic someone once told me failure is only early attempts at success so eventually you'll get there.
    Off THAT topic. I am PETRIFIED of spiders. We share the same screaming when i see an ity bity tiny one!!!!!
    Lately am developing this fear I'll have to start going on woman-dates in order to find a best friend so i can do gal things with, engaged and all… Like that man-dates movie with Seth Rogan…. O mommie

  • Cassandra

    I'm not really fearful of cockroaches. But what I don't appreciate is them crawling on me in the middle of the night (TRUE STORY!).

    I guess my bug of choice, the ones that give me the creeps, are maggots. Probably because I was awakened one night by my ex, while we were living together, informing me that something was falling from the ceiling. Turns out… it was maggots. Yes. Falling from the ceiling (again, TRUE STORY!).

  • Cheryl

    HATE cockroaches. What I hate even more? FLYING cockroaches. *shiver*

  • notquiteawake

    I totally feel your pain man. Just reading you post almost made me lose it. Buh.

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