A few Friday Funnies to end this week

A conversation between me and my Husband.

Scene: We’re laying in bed watching GhostHunters in silence.

Me: You know, I think my favorite kind of Jelly Belly is the hot buttered popcorn.
Hubby: *face palm*
Me: What?
Hubby: That is so random.
Me: It’s not random. I was sitting here thinking about it before I said something to you.
Hubby: Again, what’s not random about that?

Tis my life, y’all.

———————————

When I was in grad school I was a teaching assistant. There were about eight of us who entered into indentured servitude for up to two years. In return, we got what equaled out to be $2 an hour, paid tuition and our own office. Which we had to share. Usually only two to three of us had office hours each day. One semester I had office hours with my friend Ali and another grad student whose name I will never forget but I am going to call him E.

E was just a little weird. He was a terrible teacher and just plain mean to his students. The rest of us were all, Whelp! you tried! here is a B for your efforts! But he was hardCORE. I think he gave his whole class Cs just out of pure spite. He held back his thinly veiled hatred of the human race just enough for us to not outwardly hate him, but he let that hate all hang out with his kids. It was truly tragic. For them. And for Ali and I when he was in a particularly bad mood during office hours.

Anyway. One day during office hours, Ali wasn’t able to be there, so it was just E and I hanging out. I got the short end of the stick and taught 8 am classes. I skipped breakfast and was existing solely on the breakfast of champions — coffee.

I said to E, “I sure could use some breakfast right about now. They should provide a continental breakfast for us! ahahah! LOLZ!”

E replied…and I will never till the end of my days forget the way he said it…”I hate continental breakfasts. I hate them.”

*record scratches* Me: E, what do you mean you hate continental breakfasts? What is there to hate?
E: I just do not like them. They are never good. It’s always just coffee and donuts and that’s it.
Me: That’s not ALWAYS true. Sometimes they have awesome breakfasts. You’ve never had a continental breakfast that has, like biscuits and gravy and those waffle machines?
E: Never. I hate continental breakfasts.

This just made me increasingly angry. Like who hates free food? Rich people maybe, and he certainly wasn’t rich or he wouldn’t be participating in the slave labor that was the teaching assistant program.

I thought, maybe he doesn’t realize it’s free.

Me: E, it’s FREE though. I mean, even if it’s nothing but pastries and coffee, you didn’t have to *pay* for them. It’s included in the price of your hotel.
E: I don’t care. I hate it. I would rather pay.
Me: You’d turn down a free meal?
E: Yes. I hate continental breakfasts.
Me:  I have to walk away right now.

I am 90% sure he was just trying to instigate because he hated the world, but to this day, every time I see a continental breakfast I say to my Hubby, “Remember E!? And how he HATE continental breakfasts? Well I’m going to take extra pastries JUST TO PROVE HIM WRONG.”

I made some graphs to prove how awesome continental breakfasts are:

Therefore:

See how my anger increases as the price goes up?

Happy Weekend, y’all. Enjoy it and give your Mommy’s extra love on Mother’s Day!

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35 comments to A few Friday Funnies to end this week

  • blueviolet

    I can't believe you took the time to create not just one, but two graphs, to prove your point!

  • JMJE

    Continental Bfast is cool. My dad is willing to spend $100 on dinner but he refuses to go to breakfast places that cost more than $4 for eggs and bacon and hashbrowns.

  • erin

    This one Hampton Inn we stayed at had THE BEST Continental breakfast. An assortment of bagels and muffins with all kinds of jams and jellies AND they had a ton of fresh fruit too.

    And other stuff, I'm sure, but I was distracted by the jams and jellies.

    Free is ALWAYS better. ALWAYS.

  • The Only Girl

    I LOVE that you made graphs! Love!

    To me, free food is the best kind. I don't even care what kind it is. If it's free, I'm gonna eat it.

  • Tracie

    Don't hate me but I don't like continental breakfasts either. The room is always too small and there is never enough room for the 4 of us to sit. All those people milling around and elbowing you out of the way to get the good danish – NO THANKS!

    PS Buttered popcorn is my fav. Jelly Belly flavor though.

  • just call me jo

    E sounds like my son-in-law–just a dumb shit, negative piece of poo. Why do people have to be mean about something as inocuous as continental breakfast? White-trash snob–that's what he is! Am I negative? Heck no! I love free food. I love any food. I'd eat bat brains if it was free–Well, maybe not bat brains. But I love me some free stuff. I love your graphs too. So cute!!

  • miss. chief

    I also like the atmosphere in a like, holiday inn continental breakfast…room? It's like, everybody's still in their jammies and rubbing sleep out of their eyes.

    AND IT'S FREE!

    I really appreciated the 'whelp, you tried' markers this past year…I needed it, haha.

    Um…and about those jellybeans, I HATE THAT FLAVOR so maybe I'll save them up and send them in a care package to you guys. That's not weird, it's thoughtful.

  • Logical Libby

    Wow. Isn't that kind of like hating freedom? What was he, a communist?

    I bet he was.

  • Salt

    Awwww happy MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU!!!

    Have you ever tried the caramel corn variety? I'm kind of scared of it.

    How the heck could someone HATE continental breakfast? Or any kind of food that is being offered for free? Your visuals are astounding.

  • The Random Blogette

    This is hilarious! And so well timed for me. We just booked hotel rooms for when we go see Dave Matthews in June… and the deciding factor for the hotel… FREE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST! The price wasn't too bad either, but we decided that we would pay more if we had to just because this was the only hotel that was offering free breakfast..and they have hot foods too like biscuits and gravy! Nothing better than a yummy hot breakfast after a night of concert shenanigans! I would've even settled for just pastries. How can you not love free food??!!

    Oh and Happy Mother's Day pretty lady! And many more to come!!!

  • foxy

    I hate people that hate things just for the simple sake of hating them. Sounds like he was one of those idiots.

  • Babes Mami

    adultery hotel aka Embassy Suites has an AMAZING continental breakfast. Omelettes made to order, waffles, fruit, juice mmmm. However the hotel I stayed at at Myrtle Beach was dry cereal and nasty coffee, not for me but it was free. Didn't make me become the continental breakfast nazi!

  • mariahsmile

    I love the continental breakfast you are talking about with the biscuits and gravy and the waffle makers! …that gives me a great idea for a post :)

  • Lisa

    OMG You're the first person I've heard say they *like* the buttered popcorn jelly belly! That flavor grosses me out so much…I think it's the flavor/texture disconnect. I'm kinda weird about food texture.

  • Daisygirl

    hahahaha, oh my gosh I swear to you I have had the random jelly bean conversation with my husband! And what seriously? A free breakfast is the best ever!

  • Cathy

    You can't go wrong with free food. Even if it is crap. It's free. Free crap is better than not-free crap. Every time.

  • Jackie

    I LOVE continental breakfast! Free food. Jammies. Waffle maker to play with. What's not to like?!

    My hubby is the king of random thoughts. It actually runs in his family – first his grandma, then him, now one of our nieces. A few of us will be talking and he'll start talking, we think it'll be about the subject at hand, but half the time it is completely random….to the rest of us anyway. ;)

    Happy Momma's Day!!!! :)

  • Hutch

    That guy gives idiots a bad name, I don't even get it. I'm all about the waffles, and rarely will i EVER turn down a free pastry, but I've never seen biscuits and gravy at a continental breakfast. It must be an east coast/southern thing?

  • Chicken

    Plain and simple. E was an alien and free breakfast was what he was sent here to destroy..well maybe the destruction of breakfast took a back seat to the destruction on the dreams of the innocent. How can you hate machines that dispense BOTH orange juice and milk?

  • Laura E. Sanchez-Gonzalez

    haha this was funny, I used to be teacher assistant also, and I agree, it is like being slave. It is surprising to me that a graduate student would turn down free food, you can't do that when you are graduate student, you are right, he was just trying to instigate something. By the way, I do love continental breakfast.

    Thoughts of a Career Woman

  • My Husband's Watching TV...

    I like how Jelly Belly gives you recipe concoctions like…try 2 PB and 1 Jelly for a PBJ sandwich. Thank you Jelly Belly!

  • bbcd mama

    Craig hates them, too! he's says cuz it's all breads and sugars.

  • Aimee

    I love your randomness and I love the fact that you made graphs to prove your point. Fantastic

  • Crazy Shenanigans

    HAHAHAHAHAH, I love that you mean a chart for your love of the free breakfast. Next time mcdonalds does the monopoly game I'll save my free coffee ones for you!

  • Cassandra

    I LOVE FREE FOOD!!

    Yes. I had to use all caps for that. Sorry.

  • The Empress

    I LOVE anything that's free. I'll make a chart to show ya how my happiness goes up with the least dollars spent…

    Happy Mother's Day!

  • Sarah With Scissors

    Your scientific evidence is irrefutable. How can one argue with that.

  • Sarah P

    Happy Mommy's Day to you!

    I hope you're sleeping in and waking up to the best continental breakfast ever.

  • Wombat Central

    F-R-double E. Free. And they have those yummy danish thingys with the blob of fruit in the middle. What's not to like?!

  • KLZ

    Damn, I love a good graph. Also, I love IHOP. Don't spit at me, it's true.

    Perhaps E'd anger has to do with his name that you will never forget? Was it Ezie?

  • Midwestern Mama

    Im glad to know that Im not the only one who comes out with random thoughts at the strangest times.
    My husband has gotten to the point now he just shakes his head…lol

    Holly

    http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/

  • Le Sigh of a Fashionista

    If you like the popcorn Jelly Belly, you should order a White Castle candle because my office poll said most people thought it smelled like popcorn jelly beans!

  • Bitsy Baby Photography

    i've been to some amazing continental breakfasts but have to agree with an above comment it's always crowded and by the time I get to the goodstuff it's gone anyways (not an early riser) =) i love that intro convo with your hubby =) hilarious. Came by from Studio 30 =) Thanks for visiting my blog!

  • Cindy

    Hi:) Found you on Studio 30. Totally awesome blog. I have to admit though… I'm not a huge fan of continental breakfasts… But they ARE free and I'll take it if available! xo

  • [...] up the wall. So there was that, but on the other hand, it only cost us $30 per night AND had continental breakfast. So you win some, you lose some.OH, and I almost forgot to tell you about the clock: Hubby picked [...]

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